I teach a lot about ego work. I have found it to be one of the most powerful tools in my own healing journey. If you commit to this practice, you will have life-changing transformations.

Ego work is for you if:

– you feel emotionally depleted

– you’re “stuck”

– life doesn’t feel joyful

– you feel ready to let go of black and white thinking

– you find yourself in unfulfilling or toxic relationships

– you find connecting with other people difficult or like something is missing

– your beliefs are rigid and you’d like to grow

– you are ready to healan you be there as the space for the other person? I would say that's the greatest gift you can give to someone" (Eckhart Tolle).

Similarly, your own mind complains to trigger reactions, so it can feed on them. So listen and look through your mind, which also implies watching the mind. Recognize the interconnection? What you do to others, you do to yourself. So when you look through other people's ego, you also naturally go deeper within yourself. That's why it is said that human interaction can be a great spiritual practice. Read Stay Rooted in Being for more depth.

"Art of listening is essential for a relationship to deepen." Eckhart Tolle.

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Be extremely alert to detect and bring the unobserved mind patterns in the light of your consciousness. Thoughts and reactions can be slippery, quick and can be gone in just milliseconds,

What is the ego?

The ego is the “I.” It is how you see yourself. It is the part of your mind that identifies with traits, beliefs, and habits. Your ego is an unconscious part of your mind.

Where does the ego come from?

As a child, you came into this world with an intuitive nature. You instinctively understood the world even though you could not speak the language. Your level of consciousness was pure awareness.

As a child, you have no filter. You can play, imagine, and create. You are not yet tied to an identity of who you are. You are born unconditioned.

Simply being comes naturally to you.

During childhood, your ego is in ego-centric state. It’s best described with the saying ‘the world revolves around you.’ In this state, everything is happening to you because of you.

The meaning of pomposity is similar to that of ego. When you’re pompous, you behave in an inflated,grand way. You may exaggerate your social status or job position, and you are likely to be overly serious and self-promoting.omparison, complain etc. The words, language, aspects, things and so on they use to compare may be different on the surface but underlying energy and structure is of the Ego that feeds on comparison and division.

So if you consider Ego a personal problem, that's a sign of more ego. As ego loves to personalize things and thrive on it. Once you truly see the impersonal and dysfunctional nature of conditioned mind or Ego, you naturally relinquish identification with it, become non-reactive, forgiving, tolerant and compassionate towards yourself and others. Events are not personalized or labelled as good or bad or even neutral. The 'fact of the moment' is allowed to be.

Method

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Watch the Mind

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Watch the mind. Our mind is conditioned by thousands of years of cultural, societal, genetic and years of personal conditioning, which have a strong momentum. So trying, controlling, resistance or using will power, which are aspects of limited mind, in an attempt to watch the mind are futile and in fact strengthen the ego[23] . Its because problems of the mind cannot be solved at the level of mind. That's why it is said that you don't become good by trying to be good, but finding the good that's already within you.

So simply watch the automatic conditioned narration or commentary of mind with high alertness. When you watch, you reclaim trapped consciousness from the mind and more clearly see the dysfunction and irrationality of the 'voice in the head' that causes so much self created suffering by resisting, commentating and labelling 'what is'.[24] . Its because 'Watching' or awareness is a new dimension of consciousness that is not part of thinking mind. More you practice watching the mind, compulsive and conditioned thinking weakens as your presence deepens.

Example: Have you noticed when you procrastinate, the 'voice in the head' says something like 'I can do it later' or 'You have lot of time', etc.? If you simply observe the voice and allow it to be, even if it hypnotizes you to procrastinate because of some degree of identification with it, you may notice how dysfunctional the voice and unproductive procrastination are. It's like collecting evidence (truth) to see the insanity of the 'voice in head' more clearly. That's when ego starts to dissolve and separation of thinking (observed) and awareness (observer) begins, as you realize that you are not your mind but the observing presence behind it.

Similarly, when you detect mental-emotional resistance within, just observe and allow it to be. Deeply realize that resistance serves no purpose and in fact is dysfunctional, keeps the undesirable situation, condition and thought patterns in place, and is more disturbing than the original cause its trying to dissolve[25] .

Watching the 'voice in head' or mind also includes to watch or detect the background psychological unease, non-verbal urges, tension, impulses, mental noise and pre-verbalized thoughts and reactions, which are aspects of egoic resistance, that are so deeply embedded and considered normal that many people are not even aware of them.

Watching doesn't mean to criticize or condemn or ignore or fight the 'voice in head', else it would be the same voice that came through the back door. This also implies to not treat Ego as an obstacle or enemy. Again, you can never dissolve unconsciousness or Ego by fighting, trying, controlling, suppressing, or running away from it. Bringing it in the 'light of your awareness' is all that is needed. In other words, to dissolve the ego, in essence, there is no doing or trying needed but an alert seeing or acceptance. So watch it impartially without judgement.



Forgiveness, which also means letting go of the story or narration or labels, becomes easier when you deeply realize that nothing you did/said or anyone did/said to you, can't touch, even the slightest, who you are in essence.

Be aware that forgiveness doesn't become a mental concept. True forgiveness is non-conceptual[42] Read How to Surrender to the Present Moment and Stay Rooted in Being for more depth. When you truly forgive yourself and others, you reclaim your power from the mind. Mind is very unforgiving; only you can forgive. This doesn't mean to let yourself be attacked or abused or continue to be with people just because you have forgiven them. Forgiveness is an inner phenomenon, as it helps dissolve the burden of psychological baggage of time (and Karma) you are carrying in your psyche. This is true freedom.

When there is true forgiveness, which is a form of acceptance, you clearly see what needs to be done.

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Surrender. "Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding to rather than opposing the flow of life" (Eckhart Tolle in "The Power of Now"). In other words, surrender is inner acceptance to what is, without any reservations.[43] . In more direct words, Surrender is allowing or accepting the thoughts, reactions and emotions that are arising at "this moment" in response to anything (condition, situation, thoughts, sensations, emotions or people). We spoke about this earlier. It is highly recommended that you read How to Surrender to the Present Moment for more.

Vanity

Vanity is closely associated with appearance. When you’re vain, you’re enamored with the way you look. You may also have excessive pride in your own achievements and abilities.

Psychological Definitionsof Ego

The definition of ego in psychology is quite different from the common usage of the word. In psychology, ego is a neutral concept that simply describes an aspect of yourself.

The Self In Contrast To Others And The World

One way psychologists use the word ego is to differentiate the self from others. Your ego must be intact for you to differentiate between what you think and what others think. Your ego is the center of your own thoughts, behaviors, and experiences.

Ego In Psychoanalysis

As mentioned before, Freud used the word ego as part of his psychoanalytic theory. According to Freud, each person has a psyche that’s made up of three parts: the id, the ego, and the superego. The id refers to the part of themind that’s primal and instinctual. The superego refers to the part of the mindthat is critical or moralizes about what you think or do. The ego is the third part of the psyche: the “conscious mediator” that makes decisions.

Self-esteem is confidence in yourself. You feel a positive sense of self-worth and self-respect. Having healthy self-esteem is crucial in many ways. When you think enough of yourself, you can go confidently into the world to meet your needs and fulfill your desires. With healthy self-esteem, you not only treat yourself better, but you tend to treat others well too.

Individuality

Psychologists sometimes define ego as individuality. This is your self in contrast to the selves of others. You are you, and no one else is you. You have your own needs, thoughts, preferences, and abilities. You are in charge of what you think and how you behave. You’re a distinct individual with a unique perspective and path in life.

Personality

Personality is that unique set of qualities that make you who you are. If you have a cheery personality, you greet the world with positivity. You smile often and think about the good things in life. If you have a bossy personality, you push others to do what you want, putting your own judgment about what’s best ahead of anyone else’s. Your personality is your way of being in the world, and as such, it’s the ego component of your psyche.

Related Words

Finally, there are a few related words that people use to talk about ego.

Egoism

Egoism is a philosophical concept. It’s a belief that moral behavior is based on serving your own best interests. For those who feel that having a big ego is wrong, this may sound far-fetched, but it’s easy to see how taking care of yourself first is the best thing you can do. Airlines warn passengers to put on their own oxygen masks before they try to help someone else. Also, if you put others first too long, you can become wornout, ill, or depressed.

Egotism

Egotism means the same thing as having a big ego. If you’re an egotist, you can’t stop talking about yourself. You believe you’re superior to and more important than others. In your mind, you are the best and you want everyone to know it.

Egocentrism

Psychologist Jean Piaget used the word egocentrism to describe the inability of children to see the world from anyone’s perspective other than their own. Psychologist David Elkind later talked about egocentrism in adolescents, which he described as teenagers’ tendency to focus on themselves and what others think of them. In common use, egocentrism is aptly described by the phrase “thinking the world revolves around you.”

What Does It Mean to Have A Healthy Ego?

Ego psychology can identify both unhealthy and healthy egos. If you have an unhealthy ego, you have an unrealistic view of yourself. You may see yourself as better or worse than you really are. You may have a narcissistic personality or become extremely depressed.

What about a healthy ego? What does that look like? If you have a healthy ego, you generally think well of yourself without exaggerating your own achievements or abilities. You feel mentally strong enough to face life’s challenges. You see yourself as basically good, acceptable, and at least as important as others. You can see others’ perspectives but honor your own most of all.

Often, ego damage can happen in childhood or in traumatic situations. What happens to you or what someone else tells you about yourself can interfere with your ability to see yourself as worthwhile. If your ego seems weak, it may be because you need to deal with depression or past trauma. A therapist can help you processyour thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to help heal your ego.

You can talk to a licensed counselor at BetterHelp.com for assistance on this and on other mental health issues. When you have a healthy ego and positive self-esteem, you can feel greater happiness and fulfillment in being just who you are.

The Benefits of Online Therapy

When I talk about this on Instagram, I always get the question “who are we?”.” You are conscious awareness, or attention. You are the awareness who has the ability to view other parts of yourself. This ability is uniquely human. You can think about your thoughts. You can reflect on your actions.

You are softening the ego.

Picture ego as a hyper vigilant guard. This guard is constantly scanning the environment for someone or something attempting to do harm. Anything that conflicts with the ego’s perception of self becomes an ‘enemy.’ You have been over identifying with traits for so long that your ego’s main function is to keep that identity alive.

By doing this work, you give the your guard (ego) a break and allow for new experiences to come into your awareness.

Without a guard you can decide how you feel, what you think, and how you choose to respond rather than having your ego decide that for you.

Confidence is the result of detaching from your ego state.

Step 1: Allow your Ego to Introduce itself

Until this point in your life, you’re mostly unaware of your ego. When you’re unconscious (95% of the time) your ego is running the show. Gone unchecked for most of your adult lives, your ego only gets stronger.

Only through observing can you ego soften.

A softened ego brings a state of inner peace.

The ego does not like to be observed, so step 1 is highly uncomfortable. Getting through this discomfort takes work, so be patient. You can do this first thing when you wake up or before bed it takes under 1 minute.

1. Find a quiet place with no distraction where you feel most comfortable

2. Close your eyes and take one deep breath

3. Repeat this affirmation: “I am safe and I choose a new way to experience myself as separate from my ego”.

Here we are priming the brain to relax into this work. It can be very uncomfortable to view yourself in this new way. You might feel sensations in your body or racing thoughts telling you not to practice the exercise. All of this is totally normal, fear-based resistance from the ego. Seeing your ego is the first step to taking away his power and decision making control.

Step 2: Have a Friendly Encounter

This step is about becoming aware of what you say after the word “I.” This is your ego speak. You’ve been repeating this for many years, so observing what you actually speak about yourself will be surprising.

The most friendly way to meet your ego is when it’s not triggered.

Set an intention to witness your ego with one conversation you have today.

Notice every thing you say after the word “I.”

Here are prompts: Note these once a day.

There is no right or wrong way to do these. You want to let your stream of consciousness flow without editing or analyzing.

1. How often do I speak about myself?

2. What was an adjective I used to describe myself?

3. Did anything in that conversation bring any uncomfortable emotional reaction? Describe it.

Congrats! You just witnessed your ego. Practice is key with this new skill. The repetition will prime new pathways in the brain and allow observation to come more easily with time.

Step 3: Name Your Ego

When we name our ego we take a powerful step in seeing the ego as separate from us. Choose any name that comes to you intuitively.

Now name your ego.

My ego’s name is Jessica. I watch Jessica come and go. Sometimes I don’t see Jessica for a few hours and then she comes around with reckless abandon. Certain things make Jessica extra touchy and that is ok.

By naming your ego, you’ve separated from it. Now you’ll see the ego coming and going. You’ll be surprised just how often it comes and how quickly it goes. This is an observation stage. Practice this stage for at least 2 weeks.

You may have major breakthroughs during this stage.

With time you’ll not only be aware of your ego, you’ll know what situations to expect your ego to be triggered. This expanded awareness allows you to see past the ego and to choose a response more aligned with your authentic self.

Step 4: Meet the Triggered Ego

Do not begin this steps until you have done Step #2 for at least two weeks.

What is a trigger? A trigger is an emotional response not equal to the event.

For example: Your sister says “You look tired” at a family get together. You respond sarcastically: “Of course I look tired I’ve been working 60 hours a week and raising a child. Must be nice to have tons of free time. Don’t worry, next time I’ll be out of a Cosmopolitan magazine.”

What her sister said objectively: “You look tired.”

What the ego heard: “She’s always so rude and condescending to you. It’s because she’s been jealous of you your whole life. Now she think she’s little miss hot shot.”

The ego is a master story teller. It has thousand and thousand of emotional events and experiences logged that you can’t even consciously remember. This story serves to protect you, but it always keeps you tied to your past experiences.

Notice the next time you are triggered. You will know you are triggered when you have a faster heart beat, you feel like yelling/shutting down, or have a feeling you might ‘lose’ it.

Here are the prompts:

1. I felt the emotion of _________ when triggered.

2. I felt the emotion of _________ when ______________________.

3. The event of _________ means ___________________ to me.

Here is an example:

I felt the emotion of anger when triggered.

I felt the emotion of anger when my husband left the dishes in the sink.

The event of leaving the dishes in the sink means that I am not worthy of consideration.

Ok, so now you understand that the objective reality was that dishes were left in the sink. This caused the emotion of anger because of an underlying belief that I am not worthy of consideration.

This lead to a lot of insecurity and low self worth. In a fragile state, the ego works overtime to ‘defend us.’

The ego overcompensates in the fragile state with the following:

– strong emotional reactivity

– false confidence (overcompensation)

– black and white/rigid thinking

– rejection of any idea that conflicts with the ego beliefs

– extreme competition (a belief that another person’s success hinders their own)

– constant comparison to others

– judgement of others (mocking, insulting, threatening)

– analysis paralysis (obsessive thoughts that stop you from completing any action)

Why does Ego Work Matter?

Ego work is about returning to your true nature. So far, your lives have been functioning in patterns that you haven’t consciously chosen. They were chosen for you.

Ego work is a a new opportunity to choose.

You are not looking to “kill” the ego, or deny its existence. The ego is your protector and has been a part of your psyche since you were a small child to help you cope. You want to learn to accept your ego as something separate from yourself.

especially pre-verbalized or unverbalized thoughts and reactions. However, they have a great power to manipulate you like a puppet. So a high degree of alertness is required to detect and make them conscious.[53] One practice is to write your recurring, negative and persistent thoughts. As writing can help bring the deep seated thoughts in the light of your awareness or consciousness. Plus, it helps to give them full attention and full attention implies full acceptance.[54]

Of course, it can be daunting to write down thousands of thoughts and reactions. So you can just spend a few moments on this every day. If you meditate, you can also make this a part of your meditation practice, as it can help clear your mind, which allows you to go deeper within. Alternatively, you can also verbalize your thoughts. This means you verbalize and inquire into what you are feeling and deep seated mental patterns (unspoken assumptions or reactions), as they arise in the Now, to bring them in the light of your consciousness. However, be aware that there is a sense of dis-identification from thoughts and emotions. Again, you are not your thoughts and emotions. It helps a lot to be aware of inner-body and/or breath and/or sense perceptions as you verbalize. Read How to Stay Rooted in Being for more depth.

You can also count your thoughts. Especially repetitive and compulsive thoughts and mental patterns. As counting can help you remain alert. Like an alert cat watching a mouse hole.

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Use memories to learn and become more aware. If you use your memories to learn and not for psychological suffering, they can help you become more aware of your unconscious patterns and mistakes without actually have to indulge into them again and again.

As an analogy, memories are like watching yourself the same way a player/athlete watches himself/herself in a video footage. You are in a more comfortable and less stimulated environment, thus are more aware. That's why having a good memory can help you become aware of the mistakes and learn from them. So you don't make the same mistakes again and again.

However, be honest and alert that mind doesn't falsify the memories[55] .

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Allow. When you detect yourself resisting 'what is' or whatever arises, say "I accept" or "I allow" or "I forgive" or "I surrender," or "I yield", again and again, depending on the situation or condition and whatever feels natural to you. It's even more effective, if you synchronize your breathing with these phrases.

If you can't accept, then 'accept that you can't accept.' Or take action immediately[56] Read How to Surrender to the Present Moment for more depth. As far as inner transformation is concerned, there's nothing you can do about it but can only create a space for it to happen by practicing being present.

Realize that even if you say "I allow" or "I forgive" etc., that is just a thought or pointer. It's what the thought points to, is what brings acceptance and transcendence. Otherwise you will remain stuck in the walls of concepts and thoughts. These words are not saying "look at me" but "look beyond me".[57] . Again, Truth is beyond any words and forms.

When you detect resistive or egoic patterns in you or others, then resistance or beating yourself over them is just more ego and keeps them in place. Instead, simply become aware and allow them to be, or shift attention away from reactions and mental patterns to present moment anchors or Now. Whichever practice feels easier and natural. When you simply allow and don't resist 'what is', egoic patterns naturally dissolve, giving way to peace and joy of Being from deep within.

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Watch egoic reactions. Have you noticed when mind experiences an undesirable stimulus (thoughts to smell), it reacts or resists or creates irritation or other forms of negativity? Why did the mind create it? Because it holds the unconscious belief that its resistance, which you experience as negativity or unhappiness or discontent in some form, will somehow dissolve the undesirable condition.[58] This, of course, is a delusion. The resistance (irritation or anger or discontent) that it creates is far more disturbing than the original cause that it is attempting to dissolve. It may seem like the situation or condition are causing the suffering but if you look deeply, it is actually the automatic mental-emotional resistance in response to them. We spoke about this earlier.

"The greatest difficulty is the mental resistance to things that arise, and the underlying assumption is that they should not" (Eckhart Tolle).

Resisting 'what is' is no different than doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. Which is also how Einstein defined insanity when he said "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results."

To deal with the automatic mental resistance, be there as the background witnessing presence or the Knower and/or allow or accept it to be. You can also immediately shift attention from thoughts, reactions and emotions to present moment anchors like inner body, breath, or sense perceptions i.e Now. If that's not possible, accept that you cannot accept or take action or remove yourself from the situation. Whichever seems easier and natural at that moment. There are few more pragmatic pr

Here's another way to look at it: Fighting, resistance, reactions, suppression, trying, condemning etc. arise in form of conditioned thoughts, emotions or reactions, and you are not your thoughts, reactions and emotions. True intelligence is formless, unconditioned and intuitive. That's why be aware of deeper feeling responses as you read.

Being rooted in inner body is essential to be present and the watcher of the mind. Else, the mind will take you over like a wild river. When you are rooted in your spacious inner body, attention is withdrawn from the mind to the Now. That is to say, attention remains in its unmanifested state. You can also experiment to notice that there's no suffering when your attention is in the Now. While you suffer when attention is trapped in useless and compulsive thinking, emotions(negativity) and reactions.

2

Transcend the Karmic cycle and Ego created drama. Watching the thinker(mind) also transcends you beyond Karmic cycle. When you are in mind identified state, you are subject to karmic cycle of action and reaction, good or bad, because your actions and words arise out of your conditioned mind, which is dysfunctional and based on past. However, when you simply watch, a new dimension of consciousness emerges through, that is not part of thinking and not subject to law of karmic cycle and mind made 'polar opposites'. As awareness has no opposite because its formless and beyond form. That's why just being aware and non reactive is so powerful and peaceful. This is the peace of One Consciousness or awareness that Jesus pointed to when he said "And the peace of God that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and mind".

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Observe that mind or Ego feeds on negativity. Have you noticed that when you feel sad, anxious or any other form of negativity, there is something in you that craves more negative thoughts, emotions, situations? You are looking at the ego that feeds on negativity (pain, stories, drama, and conflict) to ensure its survival.

"Ego thinks staying in the state of negativity and unhappiness (resistance) will get it what it wants"- Course of miracles. That is, of course, a delusion. Otherwise, who would want to remain stuck in unhappiness?[26]

If "you" - the mind - did not believe that unhappiness works, why would you create it? The fact is, of course, that negativity (resistance) does not work. Instead of attracting a desirable situation, it stops it from arising[27] Also resistance feeds the ego, that's why it loves it. So it becomes more important to acknowledge and watch or allow the resistive mental-emotional patterns than incessant thinking.

You can also practice 'relinquishing resistance' or 'accepting what is' as an experiment to see if it works for you or not. Since resistance has not worked for you so far.

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See the 'suchness' or 'isness' of the moment. Here are some examples of mental stories and narrations of 'what is' that cause so much unnecessary suffering. Often these mental stories are distortion of the truth and designed to trigger the biggest possible reactions, so Ego can feed on them to strengthen its false sense of self.

'She rejected me, I am ugly and a loser.' 'Why is it raining? I hate this weather.' 'He didn't have the decency to text me back.', 'I am feeling so uneasy. Why this feeling won't go away?'.

Can you refrain from adding mental stories or commentary or narration to 'what is' and just see the 'suchness of this moment'? Buddha called it Tathata. How simple life would be without those mental stories.[28]

'She didn't want to talk to me.', 'It is raining.', 'He didn't reply.', 'I am feeling unease and tension in my body'.

You don't feel uncertain or angry or sad because of the situation or condition. However, you feel unhappy because of the automatic negative thoughts or stories that come in response to it.

"There's nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so." William Shakespeare.

Here's a spiritual practice: watch the situation or condition as well as the mental-emotional reactions or thoughts that come in response to it. Rather than getting lost in event and letting the reactive conditioned thoughts, emotions and resistance become unconscious and run your life.

5

Relinquish all mental positions. Mental positions like viewpoints, opinions, dogmas, interpretations etc., which by their very nature are limited, are no more than bundle of thoughts that Ego has identified with to get a false sense of "I know" and "self". This identification has caused separation, conflicts, violence and wars. While only "inner space" or unconditioned consciousness or presence within can provide a true perspective or holistic answer that's in alignment with the totality of the universe.

Be aware as ego is very clever as it may identify with facts and make them as mental positions to ensure its survival. For example: the relative fact that earth rotates or spins towards east may become a mental position in your head and in case you get into an argument with someone about it, you may be defending your mental position and not the truth. Like "Believe me that earth rotates towards east". Look closely and you will see that Ego is hiding in the word "me".

"Truth doesn't need any defense." Eckhart Tolle.

Here's an experiment: Next time you feel a compulsive need to be right or urge to react or argue or resist or defend a mental position, which is basically identification with mind and a form of violence, can you drop it just to see what happens? Allowing the 'false self' to diminish and de-emphasizing your form identity are powerful spiritual practices. That is what Jesus meant when he said "Deny thyself". This allowing of the diminishment or vulnerability makes way for your true power to shine through. The formless truth within that you are beyond your name and form.

"Only by becoming vulnerable can you discover your true and essential invulnerability" Eckhart Tolle.

However, it doesn't mean to let yourself be abused by people or put up with bad behavior. There may be times when you would have to say a non-reactive and firm no, in no uncertain terms, or take an action. With spiritual energy behind your words and actions, there will be great power. Its because non-resistance makes way for the greatest power in the universe; the Intelligence itself.

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Take responsibility of your inner state Now. "The world can change only from within" (Eckhart Tolle). What we see externally (man-made) is a result of what we thought once. Every creative idea comes from the realm of consciousness, which is materialized using mind; an instrument. That's why if your inner psyche is polluted i.e when you are completely identified with mind, then the materialized form will be polluted also.[29] . Its because conditioned mind obscures the true intelligence to shine through.

On an inner level when the mind resists what is, negativity arises. This pollutes your beautiful and sacred being or 'inner space' and that's what is seen externally in the world we inhabit.[30] Its because world is just a reflection of your inner state.

“The pollution of the planet is only an outward reflection of an inner psychic pollution: millions of unconscious individuals not taking responsibility for their inner space.” (Eckhart Tolle).

Resistance is also the cause of leakage of vital energy which could have been used to resolve or deal with the situations or challenges, instead of fighting them.

Taking responsibility of your inner space, which is the only thing you can truly take responsibility of, will rapidly deepen and transform your life.[31]

Method

4

Dis-identifying and transmuting the Pain Body

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Recognize what the term pain-body is pointing to. Have you noticed a heaviness in your body which gets triggered by some event or thought or condition or situation or person that is peculiar and painful to you? A dark heavy cloud or "parasitic entity", in your chest, head, stomach etc., consisting of similar frequency negative emotions that takes you over, attracts negative situations and people in your life, depletes you of energy, inflicts mental-emotional suffering on yourself and others, makes your thinking extremely negative and may even make you attack others (physically and/or verbally) or become their victim[32] [33] That's pain body. Pain body is one of the most powerful things that Ego can identify with.[34] . So it has great power to make you do or say things which you usually would not say or do, when you are relatively more conscious. For example: 'Normal people' committing heinous crimes during road rages.

Emotions are a reflection of mind in body, so when pain-body gets activated, it makes your thinking extremely negative through negative emotions and then feeds on negative thoughts. As positive thoughts are indigestible to it. This loop continues until Pain-body has fed and then it becomes dormant. Although, some people may have a pain-body that is active all the time.

Recognize and allow it to be. Every time you recognize and witness this unholy alliance between ego and pain-body, it loses energy and looks for another opportunity to feed, when you are less conscious. As unconscious identification and resistance feed the pain-body[35] So its an effective practice to catch and witness the pain-body before it takes you over. That is to say, detect it the moment it becomes activated or comes out of its dormant state.

Since there's no way out of pain (anxiety, fear, anger, sorrow or whatever it is), so the only way is through. So take your attention deeper into it or feel it fully but don't think about it. In other words, bring the pain-body into your 'light of consciousness' or accept it rather than fighting or trying to control or run away from it. Which are futile anyway and cause further suffering. In case 'putting attention' or 'feeling it fully' gets misinterpreted as clinging or dwelling on to pain body, it helps to shift attention from pain-body to inner energy field of body (wherever it feels most natural) and/or breath and/or sense perceptions and/or constructive activity. Especially when pain body is about to get activated. If that's not possible, accept it as part of "suchness" of the present moment by allowing it to be there or remove yourself from the situation, if possible.

When you become friendly with your pain and/or don't resist it, only then it becomes a fuel that transforms into consciousness. Like coal that burns into heat and light.

"If you don't mind being unhappy then what happens to the unhappiness?" Eckhart Tolle. Read How to Stay Rooted in Being for more depth.

 

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Last Updated: February 18, 2022 References Approved

You, in essence, are formless consciousness or stillness or presence. Ego, in this context, is the false self or current state of consciousness of humanity that doesn't let the presence (universal intelligence) shine through. In other words, its an entity made of mental conditioning (thoughts and emotions) through which you see and act on the world. Ego was a necessary stage in the evolution of the consciousness, but to take the next step towards conscious evolution and ensure our survival, we must recognize and dissolve the ego. Considering the current times, there is a sense of urgency, as growing unconsciousness or Ego is threatening our survival, other species and even nature that sustains us.[1] Its for those who already have an inner readiness in them and ones in whom inner shift from thoughts to consciousness or inner space has already begun. Not everyone is ready, but many are.[2] Don't just read with your mind but pay attention to any deeper feeling responses as you read. Its because feeling will get you closer to the truth than thinking.

Method

1

Recognizing the Ego

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Recognize that ego, in this context, is identification with mind and form.[3] [4] When one says things like "I am a security guard," "I am a technologist," "I am a CEO," "I am homeless,", "I am a parent", "I am a writer,", "I was betrayed", "I am a sufferer of some disease" etc., this is part of identification with mind or mental conditioning. Which means thinking or taking that role or label or story, which are no more than bunch of thoughts attached to the primordial 'I' and its other thought forms, are you. In more direct words, you become your thoughts, reactions and emotions. That's what 'mind-identification' implies in this context.

Ego, which is unaware of true source within, derives its sense of self from fleeting things, status, conditions, culture, physical appearance, relationships, gender, experiences, stories, knowledge, history, etc. "Better" or "worse" the label or story or condition, stronger the identification. Ego says: 'I have, therefore I am. And the more I have, the more I am' and vice versa. This delusion is the opposite of the truth.

2

Recognize form-identification. Identification with things and conditions like looks, body, diseases/illnesses, physical or mental conditions, title, money, assets, religion, gender, skin color, race, age, nationality, etc. It's all part of form identification, contributing to the 'illusory self image' of who you think you are. Ego continuously needs to feed and identify with forms to survive and strengthen its false sense of self. Since all things and conditions are subjected to the law of impermanence, that is to say fleeting, so ego lives in a constant state of fear; anxiously looking for the next thing to identify with or to maintain its existing identifications to strengthen its illusory self. Part of the reason why thinking becomes compulsive, and fear and desire our primary motivating forces. Read Know Your True Self for more insight.

Here's a few questions to ask yourself:

What if you lost your looks, vigor and health due to ageing, illness or an accident?

Would you feel complete if you lost your status, job, relationships, money or possessions?

Sooner or later you will have to relinquish these things and conditions anyway. As with death approaching, all forms, relationships, concepts, and conditions that you identified with will become irrelevant and illusory. As death is stripping away of who you are not.[5] Is this not a fact?

This does not mean to not enjoy and honor the things, relationships and passing pleasures of the world. In fact, when you truly realize their impermanent and passing nature,[6] you honor and enjoy them more. Its because fear of loss and attachment to forms, relationships, memories and experiences dissolve. Their transient nature is allowed to be. Suffering arises when you seek yourself and long-lasting fulfillment in the fleeting world, relationships, pleasures, experiences and things, which they can't give. If you didn't realize this, you will be condemned to chase after experiences, sensory or sexual pleasures, relationships, and things of this world, one after another, unconsciously seeking lasting fulfillment and sense of self which they can't provide.

Ask yourself, 'If I lost the things, assets, relationships or conditions in my life, would I feel complete?' or 'What would I be without them?'. Feel the answer within your intelligent body, rather than asking the mind. As mind, false God, may say something like "Of course, you will be diminished.". Make the deep intuitive responses through inner-body or Being as the primary source of intelligence. Read Inhabit Your Inner Body More Deeply for more depth.

Childhood wounds are particularly impactful because of this ego period. It is not until the teenage years that you develop abstract thinking, the ability to observe outside of your own perspective.

Your ego develops to protect you from your reality. It creates an identity for you to cope with any confusion, disconnection, and loss of love that you experienced. It strengthens an identity to ensure to the best of your ability that we can still receive whatever love is available.

As you aged, you were taught (typically unconscious) values around things like intelligence, achievement, preferred emotional states, relationships, and other people. Your greatest need is to receive love so you learn to identify with these values even if they are not positive.

Many adults have not evolved past the ego-centric state. They still believe things are happening to them. If you believe you have no control in your life, or that outside events are controlling your life ego work will be particularly beneficial.

The ego is the constructed self

Your ego is a very rigid identity. It has to be. It’s created a set of beliefs, patterns, and ideas, that most people label “personality.” Your ego is very defensive about your identity. Anything outside of confirmed thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors will be rejected.

If you’d like confirmation on this, watch a debate. Debaters do not change each other’s minds. They go back and forth affirming their own beliefs. The ‘winner’ of the debate is simply the person who confirms your bias. Their ego defends a belief, and yours defends that person as the winner because they confirm a concept you have tied to your identity.

The problem with this is conflicting opinion is what allows us to grow.

Conflicting opinions or concepts often bring people to a place of anger because the ego feels the most out of control when it’s challenged.

It feels like an attack on self.

Technically it is, because the ego creates the illusion that our opinions and beliefs make you who we are.

Surrender happens naturally when you relinquish the 'inner state of war' or resistance, and suffer willingly because you see the futility and suffering nature of inner resistance. You surrender because you can't take the pain (psychological suffering) anymore. The phrase from Bible "Not my will but thy will be done" points to this truth.

Only a surrendered person has spiritual power. Hence, there's a great strength in surrender, and it is perfectly compatible with action.[44] So surrendering to 'what is' is the most powerful practice to end suffering and realize who you are beyond your name and form. Also, if you look closely, you will see that all spiritual practices ultimately lead to surrender because all of them directly or indirectly point to inner acceptance of 'what is'.

When you truly realize that resistance is mad and futile, a peace emerges through you. This is the peace of God, that bypasses all understanding.[45]

Method

6

Being Present

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Move deeply into the Now. Mind craves to get away from the simplicity of the present moment or awareness as it can't stand it.[46] More you practice being in the present moment, mind will do all it can to take your attention away from it. Its because present moment is its death. So here are a few structure-less practices to anchor to the now that don't need you to dedicate time. As you can practice them while doing day to day tasks. Experiment to see which practice/practices come most naturally and easily to you in the Now.

Can you simply watch and/or allow or accept the thoughts, emotions, reactions, sensations, tension within to be?

Can you become aware of the Now?

Can you feel the aliveness or peaceful inner energy field of your body? Energy of your hands, legs, neck, feet, chest and so on. [47]

Can you become aware of your heartbeat, surroundings, sensation of touch from the place you are sitting, objects around, sounds from the environment etc.

Can you become aware of your breath?

Can you become aware of 'Awareness'? Read How to Stay Rooted in Being for more insight on these practices.

Look closely and you will notice that Now is an essential aspect of each and every practice.

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Realize that 'You' are consciousness. Can you become aware of the space where thoughts, emotions, reactions, sensations, images, sounds etc. come and go? You are that space of 'no thought' or awareness[48] Here's another pointer: Who is aware of the sensations or tension in your body? Who knows or sees the unhappy emotions or unease in you? Who is aware of the thoughts that come and go? It's the ever-present I Am or presence, the formless experiencer, without which there will be no experience.

Your mind may be reacting with things like 'This article is stupid,' 'What is this?', 'I'm a loser,' 'I can't stop thinking,' 'The author is a moron,' etc. That's not you. It's your mind in its habitual resistive and survival mode, reacting to these pointers. Don't give it reality. Just allow it to be. Your presence or awareness is more than capable of dissolving the phantom self (Ego) pretending to be you.

You can express or describe the isness or fact of how the 'pain body' feels like but don't let it come up and turn into thinking.[36] Therefore an intense alertness and acceptance are needed.

When you become unconscious, that is identified with thinking and emotions (or pain body), guilt may arise. Observe and allow it to be. As guilt is one of the most clever ego's strategies to keep you identified with it. In other words, resisting or identifying with the feelings and thoughts of 'guilt' means Ego came through the back door. So simply forgive yourself and enter the now from there. Why add a layer of negative story and psychological pain to 'what already is' the case. Forgiveness becomes easier when you realize that one doesn't have a choice when they are in the grip of pain body and Ego.

As long as pain-body and Ego are not recognized as impersonal and not who you are, they will take you over again and again. Also, its essential to dissolve the pain-body to be free of Ego, as they are close relatives and need each other.

Method

5

Offering No Resistance

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Accept what is. Most natural way to live life is to completely accept the present moment the way it is. In other words, offer no resistance to life. Which is now and never not Now. There is a saying in Zen, "All that arises, passes away." Which means resistance is futile. More you are aware, deeply you realize this to be true. So completely accept whatever arises in the present moment, as if it was your choice.[37] For example: people around you, your habits (bad or good), your physical appearance, thoughts you are thinking, negative mental interpretation or commentary of the things you said or did, suchness of pain-body, your location, life situation, experiences, condition you are in etc. Fundamentally, accept any form "this moment" takes without adding any judgments or mental labeling or commentary, because it is as it is. This renders the mind powerless because its very nature is based on a dysfunctional relationship with the Now. That's when you clearly see what action, if needed, to take. This action is truly intelligent because its in alignment with the One consciousness.

If acceptance of the outer form is not possible then bring inner acceptance. This means to say an 'inner yes' to present moment, doesn't matter what you say or do externally. What does it mean to say an 'inner yes' or 'surrender to what is'?

It means to say 'yes' to the thoughts (including stories), persistent reactions and emotions that are arising at "this" moment in response to anything (situation, condition, people, other thoughts and emotions), by allowing, accepting, watching, being aware, giving them full attention, etc. However, you don't have to follow them. Its because identification with thoughts and emotions creates a lot of problems too[38] . When there is true inner acceptance, you step out of thousands of years of conditioning or 'living past' in you and an intelligent response, if required, comes from infinitely intelligent 'unconditioned consciousness' within. Not from limited conditioned mind. Along that intelligence comes peace and joy of Being. Infinitely greater than any pleasure or happiness that this world has to offer.

There will be times when you would have to say 'No,' externally, but that would be a deeper or a high quality 'no', not a reactive or conditioned one. Do experiments, like refuse to follow some thoughts (including pre-verbalized thoughts or reactions) and then see the result. However there should always be an inner acceptance or inner yes. Or else you will suffer. Again, psychological suffering always arises due to some form of non-acceptance (negativity or resistance) to 'what is' and not because of the situation or condition.

When you are completely in inner-alignment with what happens, that is to say when you are 'one with life', circumstances or conditions lose power over your state of consciousness. Just like depth of the lake remains unaffected regardless of the weather. And the miracle is when you are in inner alignment with 'what is', outer circumstances and inner conditions (illness, pain, wounds etc.) tend to heal or improve greatly without a great deal of doing on your part. Also, synchronistic chance encounters and favorable events happen more frequently. Its because you are connected to One Consciousness or One life underneath all forms.

If acceptance is not possible then accept that you cannot accept. Else take action or remove yourself from the situation, if possible. Anything else is madness.

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Make present moment your best friend. Timeless present moment is your greatest friend, because that's the only time there is and when you have access to One Life or presence; the greatest power in the universe. However, when you treat the Now as a 'means to an end' or an obstacle or enemy, that's when you get problems because you are cutting yourself off from that power. Deeply realize that you can never escape, have never escaped and will never escape from present moment.[39] Since there is no escape from the now, so why not become friendly towards it or atleast accept it? That's when Life works with you.

What is Now? The timeless space of consciousness where all forms (thoughts, emotions, visuals, sounds, taste, touch, words, sensations, people, events and so on) come and go.[40] Read How to Surrender to the Present Moment to learn more about it.

"Stay at the center of the circle and let everything fall into place" (Tao Te Ching). What is the 'center of the circle'? The space of present moment.

Past and future are no more than thoughts you are thinking in the 'Now'. So why give them any reality?

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Forgive. Forgive yourself and others for being unconscious i.e identified with mind. As when you don't, you are not only mistaking their and your identity with conditioned thoughts, labels and judgments you have about them and they have about yourself, but are also holding on to psychological burden of resentment and guilt, which not only pollute your body with negativity but also keeps the Ego alive. If you could realize that we are all, to varying degrees, suffering from the same impersonal collective dysfunction, i.e human unconsciousness or Ego, the greatest perpetrator of evil on this planet, it becomes easier to forgive. How can you resent someone's illness? Jesus's saying "Forgive them. They know not what they do", also applies to yourself.[41]Before I outline the practice, I want to remind you that it is just that: a practice. This is not something that has a “hack” or something that comes quickly. Ego work is a shift in consciousness. Consciousness is only shifted via repetition.

Stay patient. Show up.

There will be a lot of resistance because your ego dreads one thing most: change. Allow the resistance to come up without judgement.

Resistance is growth. 

What’s The Best Way To Define Ego?

Updated January 31, 2022

Medically Reviewed By: Lauren Guilbeault

Nowadays, the word ego comes up often. People use it freely, believing they know what it means. However, psychologists use the term differently from how it is commonly used. Depending on how you define ego, it may seem like something desirable — or something to be avoided at any cost. In this article, we will explore the different meanings of the word.

Origin of The Word Ego

The word ego comes from the Latin word meaning“I.” When Freud developed psychoanalytic theory, he used the German word es to describe the part of the self that is responsible for decision making. Freud’s English translator chose the word ego.

How People Commonly Define Ego

mind and knowledge, as your gear, to play in this playground, this world.[19] Realize that it's just a 'gear' and not 'you.' Yes, this gear (mind, body, skills and knowledge) has its place to play in this world, but that does not mean you need to identify or lose yourself in it. You, in essence, are formless consciousness and you share that essence with all beings.[20] Its because we are all expressions of One life.

Method

2

Recognizing the impersonal nature of mind

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Conscious Mediator

Freud saw the ego as a conscious mediator between the id and the superego. Imagine that you have an unconscious need, urge, or desire. This comes from the id. Your superego criticizes and judges your desire. However, it is your ego that decides whether to pursue that desire. In a sense, your ego “talks” to your id and superego, presents a solution, and manages the fallout for the id and/or superego. The ego is thusthe decision-making component of themind.

Perception of Reality

Your ego is the part of you that perceives reality. You may smell a flower, taste an apple, or hear a carhonk. It’s your ego that takes in that sensory information and makes sense of it. Your ego is the rational part of your mind. It identifies what’s happening around you.

Synonyms for Ego In Psychology

Psychology has its own synonyms for ego too.

Self-Concept

Self-concept refers to your view of yourself. Self-concept is the same as self-image. Your self-concept is a complex set of ideas about what kind of person you are. If you have a positive self-concept, you think of yourself as a good and worthwhile person. If you have a negative self-concept, you think of yourself as inferior or unworthy.

Identity

Ego in psychology can also refer to your identity. In this sense, your ego encompasses everything that makes you who you are. It can include your physical characteristics, your social status and abilities, and your mental quirks. Your identity may also refer to who you are in society as compared to others.

Self-Perspective

Self-perspective is your own unique view of yourself as part of the larger world. No one sees you quite like you see yourself, and no one sees the world as you do either.

Self-Worth

Your sense of self-worth depends on your ability to see the good in yourself and judge it as being enough. When you have positive self-worth, you think of yourself as deserving good things. You place value on being who you are and doing the things that make you happy.

Self-Esteem

Recognize the impersonal nature of mind. Like a code or program repeatedly performs the same function, in the same way your mental conditioning runs you as a bundle of conditioned reflexes or reactions[21] . That is to say, [[Make Your Relationships Into a Spiritual Practice|you are not even there] but a mind created 'personality' or psychological image or 'sense of self', which interacts with, labels, judges, etc. other mind created images, personalities and world. So no wonder why most of the human interactions are so inauthentic. It doesn't matter where you are, as long as ego is running your life, same egoic patterns will emerge in different situations and places. Hence the saying "Wherever you go, there you are"?

This is one of major reasons why ego is not personal. As all egos have same basic structure that is based on fear, desire, comparison, greed, attack, defend, seeking conflict or enemies, resistance to what is, and primarily identification with forms etc. No matter how well disguised.[22] In other words, Egos differ only on the surface, deep down they are all the same. So words or content or stories that Ego identifies with could be different on the surface but the underlying energy and structure is of the Ego. For example: Most people compare themselves with others using different aspects like looks, life stories, money, nationality, skills, job, background, title, gender, location, even illnesses etc. to feel superior or inferior, balance the c

Don't misinterpret the meaning of surrender. For example: If you have a disease or illness and you say "Ok I surrender to the illness", that's not surrender. Surrender doesn't mean to yield to the life situation, condition, idea or story of illness, which wouldn't work anyway, but yield to whatever arises within (thoughts, emotions, reactions, pain, pressure in body etc.) in the tiny segment called the Now. Else, clever Ego will continue to survive beneath the label or concept of surrender.

Ask yourself, 'What's the problem at this moment?' You are reading 'this' now. Even if you are suffering from a terminal condition, that condition, at "this" moment, could be pressure, weakness, physical pain, burning sensation, tension etc. you are experiencing somewhere in your body and head, and that is what you surrender to and not the label of condition or emotional story or idea of illness that says something like "I have a terminal condition. Life has treated me harshly" or "I have been suffering from depression for last 10 years" or "I was betrayed by my own family" etc. There's no suffering in the Now because there are no problems in the Now. As suffering needs time and a mind made story. Make the Now primary focus of your life. Its because that's the most precious thing and only time there is.

Ego loves to identify with labels or stories or problems, to complain, react etc. without any true intention of solving them. In fact, ego never wants an end to its problems because they give it a false sense of self. Without them, who are you? So you will only surrender when you are ready to let go of the victim story, negative thoughts about illness, resentment, complaints etc. because you realize that they have no purpose other than to keep the 'false sense of self' or Ego alive. Even if you need to take action to resolve a life situation or condition or challenge, you can do so Now because you have power only in the Now.

"What at this moment is lacking?" Zen saying.

Here, the ego felt a core emotion (unworthiness.) This was painful, and since you’ve never learned to process emotion, the ego came to project it outwards. Your ego prefers to dump emotions on others, rather than feel a painful emotion within yourself.

Step 5: Appreciate and Accept the Ego

This step takes a lot of practice. This will not come intuitively to you, so you’ll have to repeat it many times before it feels natural.

Here are the prompts:

I appreciate that my ego came to protect me from (emotion felt during trigger)

It is ok for me to experience (new emotion you want to feel)

I no longer have to attach events in my life to meanings of (emotion felt during trigger)

I am (affirm new emotion)

This is how it will look:

I appreciate that my ego came to protect me from unworthiness.

It is OK for me to experience worthiness.

I no longer have to attach events in my life to meanings of unworthiness

4. I am worthy

SUCCESS ADVICE5 Ways To Boost Your Ego For SuccessPublished 6 years ago on Oct 5, 2015By Michelle Colon-Johnson5 Ways To Boost Your Ego For Success

Ego as defined by dictionary.com is: self-esteem, self-image or feelings. Yet the majority of society understands and or relates the term EGO to negativity. If having a high self-image means one has an ego it is not necessarily a bad thing. It takes a certain amount of ego to do many things that are required of us to succeed in the entrepreneurial world.

If we truly examine the meaning of ego we will realize that having a good self-image and self-esteem helps us to do the meaningful things in life. In saying this, people need to stop throwing around the word ego in a negative manner. Developing an ego takes a lot of work. It doesn’t happen overnight, and it takes years to cultivate the ego trait.

When you fly the friendly skies, the flight attendant instructs everyone, that in the event of an emergency to put their oxygen mask on before they help others. That doesn’t mean every man for himself. That means suck in some air so you can effectively assist others. That goes with ego too; you have to suck in some ego. So when you look at it from that perspective putting your ego on is no different than putting your oxygen mask on.

Yes, there are some who abuse their egos, but you don’t have to be one of those people. If you want an ego of your own, learn how to use it to lift yourself up, and catapult yourself into the life of success that you deserve and desire. People are inspired and take note of people who courageously put themselves out there, and to do so you are going to need a healthy ego.

Here are 5 things you can do to boost your ego:e that mind is an impostor that pretends to be you.[13] Mind is a wonderful tool, but the problem comes when you seek yourself in it; then it becomes egoic mind and takes over your whole life. That's when your sense of self is derived from ever-changing content and conditioning of your mind, which is based on past and identification with forms. This does not mean that all the thoughts are painful or unproductive. However, we are primarily pointing to certain repetitive, persistent, pointless, negative thoughts, reactions and emotions that form the core of ego. Which consists of about 80-90 percent of your mental-emotional activity[14] .

So some thoughts (which also includes these words becoming thoughts in your head) can point you to the spiritual dimension within [15] , can be practical and counter or replace negative, repetitive thoughts and beliefs; thus not letting you fall into deeper level of unconsciousness. However, they are no ordinary, repetitive or attention seeking thoughts. So words or content can be part of your spiritual journey. However, deeply realize that words or content can at best point to the truth but are not the truth.[16]

You are the truth. The timeless, perfect and formless 'awareness', that is aware of the incessant voice in your head, reactions, emotions and world[17] . As ego implies unawareness of the formless dimension.[18]

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Realize that this world is like a playground. Like a sports person has their gear, tactics, strategies, practice etc. for a match or game or event, in the same way, you have your body, things,

 

Darren-J 

5. Walk the walk

A healthy ego builds incredible momentum. Not only in your personal image, but your brand image as well. Believe it or not, the two often go hand in hand. Have you ever seen Darren Hardy from Success Magazine take the stage? He exudes every part of the brand Success, from the way he dresses, the way he is groomed, and even the way he struts across the stage. When people think of Darren Hardy they think Success. He walks the Success walk.How to Dissolve the Ego (According to Eckhart Tolle's Teachings)

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METHODS

1Recognizing the Ego

2Recognizing the impersonal nature of mind

3Watch the Mind

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Tips and Warnings



If something deeper in you responds to these words then the process of awakening has begun. That's why don't just read with your mind, but pay attention to any deeper feeling responses as you read. Once you learn of the basic dysfunction i.e identification with mind and workings of Ego then you don't need to learn a lot of spiritual truth to become free of it. Now is the key. Awareness is the key.

It's very possible that in the future the mind or pain body will take you over and push you into state of suffering, despair and unconsciousness. But remember, suffering can either push you deeper into more unconsciousness or it can become your greatest teacher to enlightenment. Depending upon the degree of consciousness in you. Be aware. Stay present. Deeply realize that suffering has a noble purpose.

According to a Buddhist saying, "All suffering is illusion." It is true. The question is: Is it true for you?[49] Are you truly fed up of pain and suffering though?[50] Are you ready to wake up?

Spiritual dimension has come in anyone's life not when something was added to them but when something was taken away in form of deep loss, impending death, sickness or accident, death of a loved one, loss of status or reputation or possessions, meaninglessness, failure etc. So loss can be a great opportunity for spiritual realization.

Method

7

Engaging in Practices to Dissolve the Ego

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Listen. When you truly listen, a sacred space of knowing holds both the perceiver and perceived, that connects you with others on a much deeper level than the movement of thoughts and emotions. In that space there's no 'other'. So listen with your whole being or inner body, which is an essential part of true listening and to be present.

Experiment. When you find someone complaining or ranting about their life, people, in general or a particular life situation, just truly listen to them without any mental interpretation or judgment, as you hold the frequency of intense presence or alertness. If egoic thoughts arise within, allow them to be. Don't validate their story by reacting or confirming, no matter how sad or great it is. That is to say, look through their ego rather than looking at it. As when you look at the ego, it's your ego that's looking. But when you look through the ego, it's the awareness that you are looking at itself, because essence of all things and beings is formless consciousness. In other words, relinquish all mental positions or judgments and be there as a field of spacious presence. This may bring out the sanity in them and you may witness them to realize the insignificance and irrelevance of their stories, complaints and problems.

It's because when people complain, it's the Ego that complains through them. Ego wants reactions, conflict, validation, drama and enemies to create further suffering and strengthen its illusory sense of self[51] [52] However when you hold it in loving embrace of your awareness, without any judgments or giving any reality to its stories, it looses energy because its not getting reactions to feed on.

"Cactices in the article Stay Rooted in Being.

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Watch physical reactions or patterns. Have you noticed when an egoic (mental and/or emotional) reaction arises, then body also reacts in form of pressure, muscle or physical movement, sensations, twitching, tension etc. in brain, heart, body, tongue, hands, face muscles etc. If you are alert enough, you may notice sensations or movement in muscles or body parts as if trying to control or fight or suppress 'what is' (thoughts, emotions, condition, situation etc.) in form of fidgeting, muscle contraction, leg shaking, clenching hands etc. These are reflections of egoic reactions on a physical level.[59] . The stronger the reaction, more tense the brain, face or body muscles become and may even cause physical pain.

Just as you watch the thoughts and emotions in you, detect and watch the physical reactions and patterns. As becoming aware of physical and/or emotional reactions also makes you more aware of Egoic reactions, especially pre-verbalized and unconscious ones, that cause them. For example: Body may respond to an anxiety pattern, even before it becomes a thought, in form of leg/legs shaking, fidgeting, anxious emotions in your chest, you grinding or clenching your teeth, scratching objects, biting your lip or finger nails or inside of your mouth, tension in face, brain and other muscles, and so on.[60] This is so embedded that you may not be aware that you are engaged in these pain inflicting patterns and reactions, and may likely detect them later when they pass away. For example: You may notice your arms and legs being tired after fidgeting or shaking for a long time, experience pain after biting your mouth/lips or digging your nails in your palm or fingers, headache or soar body after muscles contraction, stinging sensation after unconsciously rubbing toes and fingers or scratching body parts etc.

Even the slightest and subtle physical and/or mental and/or emotional reactions need to be detected or they will continue to remain unconscious and run your life. Therefore a high degree of alertness is required. Here's a hint: see if you can detect physical reactions or patterns like tension in heart, tongue, cheeks, jaw and brain muscles (especially left side) in response to an undesirable thought or situation or people, as if trying to control or suppress mental reactions, condition or situation. That is to say resisting what is.

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Free yourself from all concepts. Did you notice your mental interpretation after reading 'Watch your inner-self', 'Accept what is' and other pointers in the article? Your mind may have asked something like, 'How can I watch my inner self?' or 'What does 'watching inner self' even mean?' And mental answers to these questions may become your definition of 'watching your inner-self,'. That is to say ego has found another concept or construct to identify with.[61] As mind has a compulsive need to conceptualize or label what it experiences, because that's all it knows. Other reason is because concepts (thoughts) and emotions are familiar and mind adheres to the known. As it thinks unknown is dangerous. This is why egoic mind ignores and dislikes the present moment.

Concepts and pointers can be part of your spiritual journey, but deeply realize that they are no more than stepping stones or viewpoints to be left as quickly as possible, and never to be taken as absolute truth.[62] Again, thought by its very nature is limited and can at most show you the relative truth. In your spiritual journey, concepts may get replaced with more helpful spiritual sounding concepts or explanations or pointers. However, they are still bundle of words (thoughts). Hence limited and will become great obstacles, if used as crutch.

True intelligence is holistic, formless and unconditioned. It's the stillness within you.

"Can you step back from your own mind and thus understand all things?" (Tao Te Ching). Read How to Surrender to the Present Moment for more insight.

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Meditate. It may seem like a cliché, but meditation essentially means to be present. In essence, there's no trying or doing involved, but keeping your full or part of your attention in the Now. Since time is always Now, so you can be present, fully or to some degree, while doing any task like interacting with someone, sitting, working, cooking, walking, even while thinking etc. So allotting dedicated time for meditation is not always necessary. Here are a few structure-less meditation practices:

Be aware of your breath as much as you can. Feel the flow of air, notice the gaps between inhaling and exhaling cycles, movement of your belly, and so on. Simply witnessing the breath creates a gap between incessant stream of pointless and repetitive thinking and emotions. Or at least slows them down because attention is shifted or withdrawn from mind (thoughts and emotions) to the Now.

Be the witness of your thoughts, reactions and emotions. We talked about this already.

Become aware of your inner body. Can you feel that your body is alive and full of life? Energy field of your feet, legs, pelvis, abdomen, back, chest, hands, shoulders, neck, head, face, lips, nose and so on. That's the intelligent life, inseparable from One Life, that runs thousands of incredibly complex functions of your body in a synchronous manner. Only through feeling the inner energy field of the body can you connect with it. Also, being rooted within inner body is an essential aspect to be present.

Become aware of your sense perceptions. Can you just look, taste, listen, touch and see without any mental commentary?

Give full attention to whatever you are doing Now. Like when you are walking, give full attention to each step, movement of your body parts, feel the sensation of feet touching the ground etc. That anchors you to the Now. It is highly recommended to read How to Stay Rooted in Being for more depth.

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Don't 'try' to become aware or try to recognize ego or control thinking or force yourself to not think or become conscious. As 'trying' or 'forcing' or 'controlling' imply that you are stuck at the level of thinking or conditioned mind. Which doesn't work. Again, problems of the mind cannot be solved at the level of mind. Only formless awareness, that is intelligence itself and beyond thinking, can dissolve the dysfunction of Ego. If you tried, you will fail.[63]

At the same time, if you are trying then simply become aware of it, rather than trying to 'not try' or force yourself to 'not try'. Which is another trick and strategy of the mind. When you allow yourself to 'try' then this flourishing of 'trying' can eventually force you realize it's futility and take you beyond it. So even 'trying' and concepts can become part of your spiritual journey.

Tao Te Ching pointed to this truth simply "If you want to get rid of something, allow it to flourish."

There needs to be some degree of consciousness in you to see the dysfunctional and resistive nature of mind, and realize what these words are pointing to. Otherwise it will be meaningless as it'd be the conditioned mind looking at itself. Which won't get you very far.

So far our evolution has been unconscious. This is a revolutionary time of cosmic significance when human beings are going beyond thinking (mind) and realizing their essence. In other words, consciousness is waking up from the dream of form.

We are pointing to a quantum leap of consciousness. From thinking to awareness behind the thinking. At the same time, there is a sense of urgency, as unconsciousness (dysfunction) is arising at the same time and threatening our survival, other species and even nature that sustains us.

You are not your thoughts, reactions and emotions but the one who sees and enables them to be.

More you practice acceptance and being the witness of your mind, your degree of alertness or consciousness or presence will deepen and take you beyond Egoic thinking. This is also the end of suffering because mind is synonymous with suffering.

Notice that the moment you are aware or witness your thoughts, you disidentify from them. Its because this noticing is a new dimension of consciousness that is not part of thinking.

In the beginning or during the transitional period, using a method or pragmatic practice or reading/listening/writing/discussing spiritual content or learning about the mechanics of Ego and to be present from a spiritual teacher or book is fine. However, be aware that no method or teacher or book becomes a crutch. Your formless presence is your primary teacher and greatest agent for inner transformation. Note: You and presence are one and the same. Its the limitation and structure of language and thought that create the duality.

If you want to succeed in the entrepreneurial world you have to remember you need an ego. So be comfortable in your own skin, learn how to walk to your own beat of your drum, start thinking of what success looks like to you, and when you do, it will give you the confidence to tell others to let go of your ego, too!

Step 6 (advanced/optional)

Watch a YouTube video of something that is the polar opposite of your viewpoint. Sit with the emotions it brings up. Allow yourself to listen to the words objectively. See if you can hear beyond your emotional response.

This practice is very transformative.

1. Feed it

In order for anything to grow it has to be placed in an environment that is conducive to growth. Your ego is no different. Read some great books, take a class on self-confidence, and stay away from those who are dream busters.

Books feed your mind with information and shape the way you think about things, a good self-confidence class, programs you to have a great self-image, and staying away from dream busters keeps the toxic distractions out of your life and enables you to grow.

When you feed your mind with empowering beliefs it in turn feeds your ego and releases a new self-believing attitude and results.

 

2. Let go of bad habits

Letting go of bad habits helps condition us to create better habits in our daily lives. Limited self-belief creates critical thoughts and behaviors; those thoughts and behaviors send out signals to the outside world that we lack self-esteem. We have to break the bad habit of thinking poorly of ourselves.

The vibrations exchanged between ourselves and the reactions of others in return make us feel stuck, weak and unmotivated to move forward. When choosing to drown out the negative chatter in our head we are choosing to look at things positively and doing so, will empower us to feel good about ourselves and motivate us to demonstrate those actions.

“When it comes to breaking old habits and starting new ones, remember to be patient with yourself. If you’ve spent twenty, thirty, or forty years or more repeating the behaviors you’re now trying to change, you’ve got to expect it’s going to take time and effort before you see lasting results​.​” –Darren Hard​y

3. Get a pet

According to the research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology pet ownership has been shown to increase self-confidence, combat loneliness, boost physical activity, and instill a sense of responsibility that is truly rewarding.

Perhaps it is the unconditional love that our pets give us that helps reinforce our ego. What gets noticed, gets repeated in life. When our pets do something that make us feel good we respond by repeating the same action that elicited their response. This applies in the human world as well. When someone praises us for our actions we repeat the action. Their praise solidifies that our actions are acceptable.

 

4. Pump up your appearance

In Arianna Huffington’s book Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom and Wonder, she talks about the importance of the different areas of your life that you should feed.

Exercising: promotes good health, and reduces your chances of illnesses.

Eating healthy: nourishes the body, contributes to sustained weight maintenance, elevates your moods, and increases your energy levels.

Getting more sleep: improves your cognitive thinking as well as gives you the energy to do the everyday things in life that need to get done.

All of these things play a very vital role in your appearance and brand image. When you feel good about how you look it causes your self-esteem to elevate.

How Does Ego Impact Personality?

Get All Your Ego Questions Answered By A Professional. Click Here To Get Matched.

A more common definition of ego is self-esteem or self-importance. When someone thinks too highly of themselves, we say they have a big ego. Someone who thinks of themselves as better and more important than other people might be called an egomaniac.

Synonyms for Ego

There are several synonyms for the common definition of ego.

Conceit

As a synonym for ego, conceit means overly high self-esteem. You don’t just think you’re a good person when you’re conceited; you think you’re magnificent. You’re vain and self-absorbed. Like Narcissus did in the Greek myth, you fall in love with your own reflection, and you may spend a lot of time looking in the mirror, entranced by the beauty of your own reflection.

Does this mean that a conceited person is a narcissist? Maybe, maybe not. If you also feel the need for constant admiration, have a sense of entitlement, lack empathy, behave in an arrogant way, are preoccupied with fantasies of success, and see nothing wrong with taking advantage of others, you may have a narcissistic personality.

Arrogance

Arrogance, another synonym for ego, means that you are overbearing, always demanding the utmost reverence from others. You take control of situations that aren’t necessarily yours to control. You make power plays without thinking of how they might affect others. In fact, you hold others in contempt, viewing them as less worthy of respect than you are.

Bigheadedness

Bigheadedness is a casual synonym for ego. If you’re bigheaded, you have an exaggerated sense of your own abilities, qualities, and importance. You put other people down. You demean others, staying intensely focused on your own over-the-top sense of self-worth.

Self-Satisfaction

Self-satisfaction means that you’re smug. You’re so pleased with yourself that you irritate and annoy other people.

Superiority

Superiority seems at first glance to be a positive term. After all, isn’t it good to be superior to others? The problem is, people with a sense of superiority often see themselves as better than others even when there’s no objective evidence that they are.

Pomposity3

Realize deeply that fundamentally it's all in mind. Whether its desire, fear, jealousy, conditions, happiness, sadness, stuff you have, your achievements, looks, relationships, longing, depression, your job, possessions, nationality, or any other identification. They are all ultimately thoughts and emotions that are attached to the primordial 'I' and its other forms; the Ego. Like your car becomes a thought in your head and gets attached to the primordial or conceptual 'I' thought and its other forms, that says 'I have a nice car' or 'my beatup car'. Similarly primordial 'I' thought or Egoic self attaches itself to other thought forms or labels, such as 'I have been suffering from depression/anxiety', 'I make a lot of money', 'I am an average looking person', 'I have achieved this or that', 'I am a man/woman/trans' etc.

"Ego is identification with form, primarily thought forms." Eckhart Tolle.

It may seem like fear, desire, longing, frustration, anger and so on are caused by the external circumstances and people but are actually mind created. Example: You see a desirable thing or person, and feelings and thoughts of desire and/or frustration arise. Which are conditioned responses. Be very alert to recognize that 'desire' or frustration are not out there but are created by mind that seeks forms, relationships, identity, security, experiences, pleasures etc. in the world to enhance its ultimately fictitious sense of self with an unconscious expectation that they will fulfill it.

Another example: You experience pain or pressure in body and mental-emotional reactions (anxiety, worry, fear etc.) arise in response to it. Be alert to recognize that suffering is not caused by the condition (pain or pressure) but due to your conditioned thoughts, reactions and emotions in response to it. As you will read later.

That's why Ramanan Maharshi said "Mind is maya (illusion)".

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Recognize the incessant, insane and suffering inducing nature of mind or 'voice in head'. Your mind is hyperactive as most of your thinking is compulsive, recurring and pointless. The same thoughts come again and again, and they trigger the same reactive thoughts and emotions, based on the conditioning. Like 'old broken records' playing in your head.[7] Also, due to thinking's often negative nature, much of it is harmful and causes serious leakage of energy.[8] This is the never stopping voice you identify with that treats the present moment as an obstacle or enemy or means to an end. The basic dysfunction.

Realize that you are not your mind. Here's a practice: Simply watch your mental activity. Which usually arises in the left side of your head. Can you see that this activity, or 'voice in head', is automatic, pointless, compulsive and never stops?[9] [10] . Deeply realize that it's not You but your mind or Ego generating an incessant stream of thoughts, emotions and reactions in your space of consciousness, based on its conditioning, to ensure its survival. As you will read later.

Here's another pointer: if you are the 'watcher' or observer of the voice, reactions and emotions (observed), how can you be them?

"Recognizing the false as false is meditation. This must go on all the time" Nisargadatta Maharaj. What is 'false' in you? Incessant 'voice in head' (conditioned mind) and emotions.

A large part of suffering and problems arise when you believe the voice, reactions and emotions are "you" and follow or believe them.[11] [12] . In other words, when you become the voice and emotions. That's the sickness of mind-identification or ego. And the 'phantom self' takes over your whole life and thinking becomes compulsive. You are not even there but a mind created image of you.

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Final words

I know I threw a lot at you. I know that this might feel overwhelming. Or, like it ‘wont work’ or you’re not capable, or you just simply don’t want to. Your ego has been challenged, so you might have some major resistance coming up. Allow yourself to just see the resistance.

This work is difficult. It is life-changing.

Commit to it because you deserve to be free.