How to Make Friends

Friends are so wonderful sometimes. They make you laugh, they go on adventures with you, and they're there for you when times are tough. But sometimes making new friends can feel really hard, whether you're trying to meet friends in school, online, or as an adult. Fortunately, making new friends doesn't have to be hard, especially once you know where to look and how to put yourself out there. Keep reading to learn foolproof tips and strategies for making new friends so you can start building the friendships you d“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.” Looking back at the friends that have come and gone in your life

t most adults have multiple priorities, says Hanzel. Don’t take it personally if you aren’t at the very top of the list while a relationship is being built—be happy to be on the list!

97. Step outside your comfort zone

It is easy, especially in current times, to isolate and stay in your own bubble. Therefore, many are accustomed to being alone, and it becomes uncomfortable to seek connection outside of their comfort zone, Hanzel explains.

98. Don’t rush it

Any relationship will take time to build, Hanzel states. Keep this in mind as you seek connection(s).

99. Keep "the golden rule" in mind

Do unto others as you would have done unto you. While it may be difficult to understand why someone is intermittently difficult to deal with, consider what they may have going on behind the scenes that influences their behavior. Again, don’t take it personally, says Hanzel. If you suddenly had a lot going on in your own life, you'd want your friends to understand it's not personal.

100. Lift others up

In addition to having compassion for others who may be struggling, validation is always appreciated, Hanzel says. When it is appropriate, go out of your way to recognize the good you see in others.

101. Connect

If you desire friendships, it's perfectly fine to be intentional in your actions, says Dr. Miller. Set goals for yourself to make new friends.

25. Reveal your flaws occasionally

People tend to like you more after you make a mistake, but only if they believe you are a competent person, notes Dr. Schiff. Showing that you aren’t perfect makes you more relatable and shows a sense of vulnerability toward the people around you.

26. Be conscious of how you're presenting yourself

This may seem obvious, but if you smell, are dirty or are just presenting yourself in a sloppy way, you may turn some potential friends off, Guarino explains. We all have off days (it happens!), but presenting yourself with care shows that you value yourself.

27. Tell them a secret

Self-disclosure is a great relationship-building technique and helps both parties feel closer to each other and more likely to confide in one another in the future. This vulnerability creates intimacy in the friendship, Dr. Schiff states.

28. Take a deep breath first

This might sound too simple to be a tip, but breathe deeply before approaching someone or entering a new space where you're hoping to meet new people. Dr. Jaclyn Bauer, clinical psychologist & CEO of Virtue Supplements explains that it’s normal for your anxiety to increase in that environment and remembering to take deep restorative breaths can decrease your anxiety and hopefully make it more fun.

Related: Living with Anxiety is Uncomfortable, Breathing Exercises Can Help – Here Are 10 to Start With29. Encourage them on social media

There are so many lurkers these days who view stories and scroll past posts, but aren't intentional with reacting to someone's post and helping them "feel seen." By commenting on their latest photo or even pressing the "heart" while clicking through InstaStories, they'll likely associate you with their confidence boost.

80. Commit to being social at least one night a week

It sounds simple, but the more you’re out and about, the higher the chance you’ll meet people and make connections. Consider using sites such as meetup.com to find events in your area, Marter states.

81. Make an observation about someone

The best way to strike up a conversation and potentially build a friendship with someone is to make an observation and inquire about it. For example: “I noticed you are wearing…”, “That’s an unusual accent. Where are you from?” and “Those are beautiful earrings—do they have any special significance?" People love to talk about themselves and more importantly, are flattered when someone notices something about them, Dr. Hancock explains.

82. Commit to a weekly club, class, or meeting of some kind

This can be trivia or game nights, book clubs or intramural sports. Challenge yourself to chat with at least one or two new people each week, says Marter.

Related: 77 Best Friendship Songs Ever to Celebrate, Serenade and Dance to With Your BFF

83. Make an effort

When most people walk into a room of strangers, they usually look for a quiet space off in a corner and go about their business, Dr. Hancock explains. Next time, purposely sit beside someone who looks interesting, and who you would like to get to know better and start a conversation with them. Most people are reluctant to take the first step. If you break the ice, you never know who you might meet and become friends with. by being genuine

Friendships are all about being honest and genuine with one another. Only talk about activities or ideas you genuinely like or believe, Dr. Sanam Hafeez, NYC-based neuropsychologist and Faculty Member at Columbia University, explains.

Don’t obsess over how you look, or what you say to conform to what you think the other person wants to see or hear. If you show respect and warmth and are sincere, a connection will form between you and someone you are meeting, Dr. Hafeez adds. Genuinity attracts others who want to connect genuinely, and these people will be your true, longtime friends.

102. Put down your phone and converse with people in public

It's easy to hide behind your phone screen and to get lost in the cyber world while you are in public. Instead of doing this, when you go to your local coffee shop, grocery store or any other local business you go to often, say "hi" to the workers or customers, and make mini conversation, Dr. Hafeez states. Saying hello or having a small chat with people you see every day or a few times a week is a way to meet new people and connect with others. It may be scary to put yourself out there and spark up a conversation, but the reward is greater than the risk. You never know, you may meet someone who could end up being a friend for life.

Having good manners goes a long way. You can start talking to people by simply greeting them with a "Good morning, how are you?" as you pass them by. Showing simple good manners by greeting people makes you seem more friendly and people tend to respond well to it. It's a great way to start communicating with people.

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Make eye contact and smile. If you don’t present a friendly and inviting appearance, people are less likely to be receptive to your friendship. Look people directly in the eye when they are speaking to you (or when you are speaking to them) and offer them a warm, friendly smile.[4]

Do not squint, look bored, frown, or look deadpan. Try to avoid closed-off body language, like folding your arms

33. Get a life (and we mean that in the gentlest way possible)

If you want to meet people with whom you have something in common, do things on a regular basis that involve others.  Activities can range from taking classes, joining hobby clubs, volunteering, playing a sport or game, hiking or starting any pursuit that meets regularly, says Tina B. Tessina, PhD, psychotherapist and author of The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty.

The people you meet will share your interest, and you'll have something to talk about and enjoy together. Don't rely on online sources like Twitter and Facebook. These can be helpful to keep in touch, but they don't replace F2F friendship.

33. Ask questions

This is important because it shows a genuine effort in trying to get to know someone and actually makes you more likable, Dr. Schiff notes.

34. Be aware of your body language

It is easier to start a conversation with someone new if they seem more approachable, Dr. Bauer explains. Being aware of how we are standing (arms crossed, looking down, body turned away from others) can make it appear you are not open to meeting new people.

35. Don't overlook people you know

While you're making new friends, don't forget the people you already know. Is there a favorite family member you'd like to see more often? Call them and suggest going for a walk or to lunch. Are there acquaintances at work, at church, in your neighborhood, involved in your child's (or your own) school or elsewhere with whom you could develop a friendship? Consider reaching out to them. Let these people know that you'd like to share events and activities, says Dr. Tessina.

36. Think outside the box

Be open to forming new relationships with neighbors, classmates and co-workers, no matter how different from you they appear to be, Dr. Schiff explains. Having variety in your choice of friends keeps it interesting.

Related: 30 Best Adult Easter Egg Hunt Ideas for Spring Parties

37. Make the first move

It is okay to make the first move. You can start with a simple text like, "I am so glad that we got to meet today." If they respond, then you have broken the ice. If they ignored your move, then it wasn't meant to be, says Dr. Bauer.

38. Practice self-compassion

Being kind to yourself will help you be kinder to others and help you build friendships, Lily Clark, therapist and co-founder of Transcendent Friendship, states.

39. Eat meals outside when you can

Instead of taking your takeout home or eating in your car, try eating outside at the takeout place

, you can probably appreciate how accurate that is. However, it can leave a lot of us wondering how to make friends as an adult—when school doesn't force us into social situations.

While it can be challenging to meet new people you truly connect with as an adult, we all crave social connection at some point, and some of us are craving new, exciting bonds. So what do we do now? We try to make new friends! Here are 102 great ways to make new friends as an adult (with some tips, too).

How to make friends as an adult

To learn some of the best ways to create lasting friendships, we spoke to some of the top therapists and mental health experts. Here are their biggest tips for how to make new friends.

1. Take initiative  

If you find people around you, you don’t need to wait for anyone to reach out to you and take the first step. Instead, become a kind initiator even if you’re an introvert, Amber O'Brien, therapist at Mango Clinic, explains. Start talking to a person and share something about yourself. Likewise, let them share about themselves. There’s no need to be so personal at the very first interaction, but exchange a few words or stories that can break the ice.

2. Join a new club or organization

Get involved in an activity that matters to you, where you're likely to meet others with similar values and interests, says Susanna Guarino, MS, LMHC. You'll have something to connect over and some of these relationships might become long-lasting friendships with time.

3. Show that you're friendly

“A person that has friends must show themselves to be friendly,” notes Dr. Markesha Miller, licensed psychotherapist. “I often help my patients understand that you must be that which you seek. What qualities are important to you in ‘a friend’?  Make sure that you are exemplifying those.”

4. Don’t look for similarities

If you don’t share a similar vision and hobbies with someone, it doesn’t mean you can’t develop a friendship. “A true friend is like a deep ocean who observes all the flaws of another person,” says O’Brien. “Therefore, don’t judge someone if he/she belongs to a different mindset. Not doing so will allow you to make new friends.”

5. Be a good listener

If you notice your attention wandering when someone is talking, try to bring it back to what they're saying, Guarino explains. If you're listening well, others will feel respected, understood, and warm up to you.

Related: 20 Ways to Be a Better Listener

6. Create friendships with friends of friends

“This is excellent if the goal is to expand your circle,” says Dr. Miller. “Many also consider it convenient and safe because they probably share a lot of the characteristics of your shared friend.” 7. Stay in touch

54. Be patient with yourself

It takes, on average, 140 hours of time spent together to make a "good friend," Chao explains. Be patient with yourself and make sure to put in the time to develop long-lasting bonds.

55. Volunteer

Love books? Your local library could use your help, Dr. Tessina states.  Become a docent at your favorite museum or gallery. If you love kids, volunteer to take them hiking or teach them something. Volunteer at your local nature center. There will be other adults there you can be friends with.

56. Find time for solitude

Solitude enhances your connection with yourself and enables connection to others, says Clark.

57. Sign up for tours when you travel

Join a tour wherever you are or travel on a tour with other travelers, Dr. Tessina explains. You are highly likely to meet someone who shares your travel interest.

58. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is a powerful tool to enhance friendships, Chao states. Developing a mindfulness practice will help you build skills to develop strong friendships.

Related: The Benefits of Mindfulness—Here’s How to Live In the Here and Now (And Why You Should)

59. Be health-conscious 

You’ll increase your odds of meeting people if you are fully vaccinated/boosted (whether for COVID-19 or other illnesses). It will give you peace of mind, and you’ll feel better going to new environments, says Dr. Tessina. Plus, being conscious of good hygene and health manners in groups of people is a must (ie. no open-mouth coughing, ask before you share a drink, etc.). 

60. Laugh

Laughter is one of the best connectors, Clark explains. Find ways to laugh with new people to create a powerful bond.

62. Talk to people in the lunchroom at work 

Tip: There are lots of online resources for finding groups that share your interests. Try looking at local groups on Meetup.com or browsing groups and events in your area on Facebook.Image titled Make Friends Step 4

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Volunteer for a cause you care about. Volunteering is also a good way for people of all ages to meet others. By working together, you build bonds with people. You may also meet others who have a passion for changing things the way you do (a common cause).[1]

19. Compliment others

"Spontaneous trait transference" happens when people tend to associate the adjectives you use to describe other people with your personality, says Dr. Schiff. So, if you describe someone else with positive adjectives, people will associate you with those qualities.

20. Be curious

Ask open-ended questions. When you're interested in other people, they will often return the favor and friendship can be born, Guarino explains.

21. Try social media or friendship apps

While some people suffer from social anxiety and may struggle with putting themselves in public meetings initially, social media is a great avenue, says Dr. Miller. There are great groups that align with various interests.  Also, there are a few free apps that, just like dating, connect friends—like Bumble BFF.

22. If you're in a good mood, show it

People are strongly influenced by the moods of other people and can even unconsciously feel the emotions of those around them, Dr. Schiff states. Do your best to communicate positive emotions so others feel happy when they’re around you.

23. Take feedback

Did your sister give you a hard time growing up for talking too much or for not listening well? Have loved ones told you that sometimes you're a bit flaky? Pay attention to the signals people give you about how you're being received, and be open to learning about yourself. Your self-knowledge will make you a much better friend, Guarino explains.

24. Be intentional

84. Make a positive comment

People enjoy being around someone who is positive, notes Dr. Carly Claney, PhD, licensed psychologist. See if you can comment on something you like or are enjoying at the moment.

85. Ask people deeper questions about their lives

This also means being open to sharing more of yourself. Moving past superficial conversion will help deepen connections, says Dr. Tari Mack, clinical psychologist, celebrity love and relationship expert and host of Dear Dater.

86. Look at people when they’re speaking in a group

Particularly in large groups, it can be easy for people to get overlooked or not feel important. If you are there paying attention and showing respect with good eye contact, it will really set you apart from others who may be on their phone or disinterested in another way, Dr. Claney states.

87. Become what you wish to find

Be the friend you want, therapist and relationship expert, Audrey Hope, explains. These are spiritual laws of attraction that always work.88. Remember details

Research has affirmed the positive outcome of doing a favor for someone, O’Brien explains. It helps in developing intimacy and good vibes between the two people. Even a small act of gentleness can contribute a lot—like providing some sort of help or guidance to the person beside you, whether at work, school or any social place.

14. Ask potential new friends out for "friend dates"

“It may feel awkward or make you anxious, but asking a new acquaintance if they'd like to get coffee or go for a walk is a great way to get to know them,” Guarino explains. “You might click and have a great time—or you might find you don't connect on much. The more friend dates you go on, the more likely you are to find people who are a good fit.”

15. Show up

Many times, opportunities for friendships are missed because people fail to be present, says Dr. Miller. For example, if you are invited out with co-workers, a parenting group, classmates, neighbors, etc., just go. It is often stated that a large part of success is showing up, this can also hold true in friendships. In order to make friends, you have to put yourself in a position to create friendships.16. Try "mirroring"

There's a psychological strategy called mirroring and it involves subtly mimicking the other person’s behavior, Dr. Holly Schiff, PsyD, explains. This can be copying their body language, facial expressions, gestures, etc. This mimicry facilitates individuals liking another person an

Did you know? Mirroring another person’s body language is a great way to build rapport with them. While you’re talking to someone, try to subtly imitate their expressions and gestures. For example, if they smile or lean forward while talking to you, do the same.[5]

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Try a variety of conversation starters. Once you find a person you’re interested in becoming friends with, you need to initiate a conversation with that person. This will help you connect with them and start forming a friendship.[6] There are a few different approaches you could try. For example:

30. If making connections with others is really hard for you, consider group therapy

In group therapy, you will have a safe container to try out new interpersonal skills, and get honest feedback about how other people perceive you, Guarino states.

31. Emphasize your shared values or common interests

People are more attracted to those who are similar to them, whether in attitude, hobbies they enjoy, or stances on controversial topics, says Dr. Schiff. Find something you have in common.

32. Recognize that you do not immediately connect with all the people you meet, and not everyone will connect with you

That is okay and just means that it wasn't meant to be, or a potential friendship that might grow over time, Dr. Bauer explains.

Ask them a lot of questions about the project/job/hobby they are involved in. Ask them why they want to do the project/job, Hope says. Find out their

Attend events with an extroverted friend so they can help you make connections, Marter says. If you are more shy or introverted, ask one of your more extroverted friends to be your wingman and help you meet others.

75. Plan something new with a new friend to develop the friendship

New experiences grow memories and closeness. Trying something, going somewhere or having an experience that is new to you both stimulates the release of the neurochemical dopamine, the neurotransmitter of reward, which makes you feel good and want more. This will stimulate your bond and store memories that you can reminisce about later, Dr. Saltz states.

76. Try a random act of kindness

See somebody who looks like they could use some cheer? Exercise your thoughtfulness and do something to brighten their day, says Marter. This can go a long way to making somebody feel special and to develop fondness and an appreciation for you.

77. Be willing to make a real effort

It’s a myth that great friendships should be maintenance-free. All relationships, including friendships, take effort, time invested, willingness to sometimes do what you don’t feel like doing and talking when you don’t feel like talking. The work you put in will be the gratification you get out, Dr. Saltz explains.

78. Plant the seed for some follow-up interaction

Suggest exchanging information and connecting in the future, Marter states. This can feel vulnerable and anxiety-provoking, but it’s worth temporary discomfort or even some rejection to hopefully find some relationships that provide lasting support.

79. Be enthusiastic

If you walk into a room and really light up the place with your enthusiasm, people are going to be attracted to you, Dr. Fumi Stephanie Hancock, DNP, PMHNP-BC, CNP, a board-certified psychiatric Dr. of Nurse Practice, TraumaCare expert, and CEO of Pool of Bethesda Psychiatric Health, explains. On the flip side of that, if you walk into a room and come off as dull and boring, no one is going to want to connect with you. People are naturally attracted to other people who radiate warmth, enthusiasm and excitement.

Try making a comment about your immediate environment. The weather is a classic: "At least it's not raining like last week!"

Make a request for help: "Can you help me carry a few boxes, if you have a minute?" or "Can you help me decide which one of these is a better gift for my mom?" Alternatively, you could offer help. For example, “Hey, do you need a hand cleaning up?”

Give a compliment, such as, "That's a nice car," or "I love your shoes." Avoid making the compliment too personal, though, since that can make people uncomfortable.

Follow up immediately with a related question. For example, “Where’d you get those shoes? I’ve been looking for a pair like that.”

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Keep the conversation going with small talk. If the other person seems interested in continuing the conversation, try to keep it going by asking questions and offering a little information about yourself. It doesn’t have to be anything profound or super personal. The important thing is to show that you can both listen and make interesting contributions to the conversation.[7]

People enjoy talking about themselves and about how great they are or look. By listening more than you talk, you will come across as a desirable friend.

Show that you are listening actively by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and following up what they say with questions or comments.

For example, if the other person tells you about their job, you could say something like, “Oh, cool! How did you get into that?”

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Introduce yourself at the end of the conversation. This can be as simple as saying "Oh, by the way, my name is . . ." Once you introduce yourself, the other person will typically do the same.[8]

Alternatively, you can open the conversation by introducing yourself. For example, you could approach a new co-worker by saying, “Hi, I’m Sophie. I don’t think we’ve officially met yet, but I work just down the hall from you!”

Remember their name. If you show that you remembered things from your past conversation(s) with the person, they will see that you were paying attention and taking a genuine interest in them.

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Ask them out for lunch or coffee. That will give you a better opportunity to talk and get to know each other a little bit better. Invite them to join you for coffee sometime and give them your email address or phone number. This gives the person the opportunity to contact you. They may or may not give you their information in return, but that's fine.

A good way to extend yourself is to say: "Well, I've got to go, but if you ever want to talk over lunch or coffee or anything like that, let me give you my number/e-mail address."

The other person will be more likely to meet up with you if you suggest a specific time and place. For example, you might say, “Hey, it was really fun chatting today! Would you like to get together at the Bagel Palace for coffee and a muffin on Saturday?”

If it feels awkward to invite them to a one-on-one get together, consider asking them to go to a group event with you, like a party or a movie night.l price—wine, food delivery, clothing and more. Enjoy! Claim Your Gift If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow

Yes No

Not Helpful 321 Helpful 691

Question

How do you tell if people will be good or bad friends?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

It is difficult to learn that until you know them better. One way to tell is by listening carefully to their stories. Do they talk about people they used to be friends with? Why are they no longer friends with that person? Sometimes that will give you clues to their character. Otherwise, pay attention to their actions as you get to know them and then make decisions about the time you spend with them. It is important to maintain boundaries with friends and those who overstep your boundaries without concern or apology are not people you want as friends.

Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.

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Pursue common interests. If you've discovered that the person you're talking to shares a common interest with you, ask them more about it and, if appropriate, whether they get together with others (in a club, for example) to pursue this interest. If so, this is a perfect opportunity to ask about joining them. If you clearly expre

65. Practice empathy

Empathy is perhaps the most important relational skill and fosters connection, rapport-building and is the foundation of friendship, Joyce Marter, LCPC, licensed psychotherapist and author of The Financial Mindset Fix: A Mental Fitness Program for an Abundant Life states. Empathy involves putting yourself in somebody else’s shoes and reflecting on how they might feel in a given situation. It helps them feel heard, understood, and connected to us. Compassionate empathy is not only understanding a person’s experience and feeling with them but being moved to help if needed and welcomed. This is the level of empathy that can really foster deeper friendships.

66. Be forthright that you’d like to be friends

Playing games makes for either a messed up or no friendship. Just say, “Hey I like you, I’d like to be friends!” If this scares someone off, they weren’t likely to end up a great friend anyway, Dr. Saltz explains.

67. Mirror others’ strengths

Mirroring is a tool used in therapy where the therapist mirrors back the positive strengths and qualities of the client so that the client can begin to integrate those positive aspects into their understanding of themselves, Marter states. As long as you are being authentic and sincere, mirroring a prospective friend’s strengths back to them can be an effective way of building a positive rapport. The more specific the observation, the more meaningful it will be for the recipient.

68. Have reasonable expectations

No friend can be perfect for you, meet all your needs or never disappoint. A real friendship has bumps in the road with compromise, apologies and forgiveness on both sides. If you over-expect, no friendship will last, says Dr. Saltz.

68. Ask follow-up questions

If somebody is telling you about a recent event, like a wedding or getting a new puppy, ask to see photos which most people have right with them on their phone, Marter explains. This shows a deeper level of interest and because a picture is worth a thousand words, you will have a lot more information to respond to in order to facilitate a stronger connection.

69. Be open to new friendships out of the weirdest scenarios

If a friend needs help with an unpleasant chore, or if they just need a shoulder to cry on, be there for them.

Tip: Being a loyal friend doesn’t mean you need to be a people-pleaser or let your friends take advantage of you. It’s important to set healthy boundaries and say “No” sometimes if you need to for the sake of your own wellbeing.

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Put in your share of the work to keep the friendship going. Good friendships take a lot of work. If your friend is always checking up on you, initiating get-togethers, remembering your birthdays, and offering to spot you lunch, it’s important that you try to do the same whenever you can.[10]

Check in with yourself occasionally and ask if you’re being the kind of friend you’d want to have.

On the other side of the coin, ask yourself if your friend is doing their part. If not, it might be time to have a heart-to-heart talk with your friend (but take care not to make accusations or lay all the blame on them if the friendship isn’t going the way you want).

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Be reliable. When you say you'll do something, do it. Be someone that people know that they can count on. If you embody these qualities in your treatment of others, it will attract others who appreciate reliability and who will be reliable in return.[11]

If you and your friend agree to meet somewhere, don't be late, and do not stand them up.

If you're not going to make it on time or make it at all, call them as soon as you realize it. Apologize and ask to reschedule.

Don't make them wait for you unexpectedly; it's rude, and it is certainly not a good way to launch a potential friendship.

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Be a good listener. Many people think that in order to be seen as "friend material," they have to appear very interesting. Far more important than this, however, is the ability to show that you're interested in others. Listen carefully to what people say, remember important details about them (their names, their likes and dislikes), ask questions about their interests, and just take the time to learn more about them.[12]

You don't want to be the person who always has a better story than anyone else, or who changes the subject abruptly instead of continuing the flow of conversation.

 

Once you have interacted with a person and exchanged contact numbers, don’t forget to call or message them, O’Brien states. Call them and ask for the next meet-up. Or you can also communicate over the phone call. Opening up to someone frequently is a great deal to develop a strong friendship—until it doesn’t bother the other person.

8. Say yes

This is a guideline actors use when doing improv and it applies to making new friends too! Guarino explains that saying yes can look like openness to trying new things, but it can also look like just being open to wherever the conversation takes you.

9. Increase your self-confidence

When you are confident in yourself and like yourself it makes it easier for others to see those qualities in you as well, notes Dr. Miller. Liking yourself and being in a healthy mental and emotional place is an important step before acquiring new relationships. The goal should not be to only create friendships but to maintain them.

Related: 101 Uplifting Confidence Quotes for Days You’re Struggling with Low Self-Esteem

 

 

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Finding Places to Make New Friends

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Make yourself available. If you want to make friends, you first need to put yourself out there somehow in order to meet people. If you just sit alone, friends might come to you, but that's not likely because they might think you want to stay alone. For example, if you're still in school, sit somewhere with other people. It doesn't have to be a crowded table, but try to choose one with at least 2 other people.

Remember, friends rarely come knocking on your door while you sit at home playing on your laptop.

If you see opportunities to get out there and meet people, take them. For example, try going to social functions at school or work. If someone invites you to a party, go for it!

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Join an organization or club to meet new people. This is a great way to find other people who have common interests. You don't necessarily need to have a lot of common interests with people in order to make friends with them. Some of the most rewarding friendships are between 2 people who don't have much in common at all. However, if you like a specific topic, try searching for a location where you can meet people who share that interest.

For example, you could join the science club at school, the marching band, a knitting group, or any other shared-interest group.

If you play instruments or sing, try joining a band or choir. Joining a sports team is a good option if you’re the athletic type or just want to try something challenging and new!

If you’re religious, a church, Mosque, temple, or other house of worship is a great place to start since you and the other people there will at least have a religious faith in common.

“While creating friendships, I often advise having multiple friends for a variety of reasons,” says Dr. Miller. “One of the major reasons is to avoid co-dependent relationships and those that may develop from trauma bonding. Be realistic with your expectations.”life mission and passion and be inquisitive—for real.

91. Use their name when you talk to them

This demonstrates you're really focusing on someone and will help them feel important to you, Dr. Claney explains.

92. Think about the other person's needs and wants and do something thoughtful about it

For example, if someone you want to be friends with loves a particular music group, get tickets to a show and invite them to join you, Hope states. Be an investigator and think carefully about what the person wants/needs. You will blow them away with thoughtfulness.

Related: Kick Boredom to the Curb Thanks to These 75 Creative Things To Do With Friends

Acknowledging important details about someone (e.g.., birthday, dog's name) demonstrates your care and ability to "do life" with someone, says Dr. Claney.

89. Ask an acquaintance or neighbor for help

People like to be helpful and even though it may feel vulnerable, it’s a great segue into friendship, Dr. Mack states.90. Be interested and passionate about learning about what they love or hanging out alone in a corner.

It’s important to keep in mind tha and smiling at people, Dr. Tessina explains. Invite someone to share your table.

40. In a new friendship, try to identify early on whether or not it is reciprocal

Reciprocal friendships offer the strongest protection against loneliness, says Helen Chao, therapist and co-founder of Transcendent Friendship.

41. Be yourself

"If you are acting like someone else, then who is the person really connecting with?" says Dr. Bauer. In the words of Dr. Seuss, "Today you are You, that is truer than true.  There is no one alive who is Youer than You."

42. Talk with people in line at the grocery store

Ask a question about something they’re buying, comment on what you like or don’t like about the store, talk about the beautiful flowers on display. In addition to helping you practice talking to people, these people are probably from your neighborhood, and you might make a new friend, says Dr. Tessina.

43. Make eye contact with people when you're talking with them

People want to feel heard, and if you're not looking at them, there is a higher likelihood that they will think you are not interested in their friendship, Dr. Bauer explains.

44. Focus on qualities that you like about yourself or admire in others

Your identity is deeply shaped by your friendships, says Clark. Think about what qualities you like about yourself or wish you had, and look for people with those qualities in your friendships.

45. Find interesting, fun people

Being involved in an ongoing activity, and meeting with the same people on a regular basis gives you a chance to get to know them before you decide to pursue a more personal relationship, Dr. Tessina states. When you find someone you think is particularly pleasant, spend a little time talking with him or her during or after your activity. Ask questions about the project you are working on, or share experiences and advice. If you both enjoy the conversation, goes well, you can offer to meet before or after the session for coffee. From there, you can begin to do more things together, until you've established a pattern of friendship.

46. Don’t take a feeling of loneliness as a sign of failure

Loneliness is the signal that you need to reach out to strengthen your social connections, just like hunger is the signal you need to eat, Chao explains. It's not a sign that you are doing anything wrong.

47. Be curious

People enjoy talking about themselves. Ask them questions about themselves and see where the conversation leads, says Dr. Bauer.

48. Meet people at a coffee shop

Ask if you can join someone who is sitting alone, and unless they’re working on their laptop, strike up a conversation about the coffee, the ambiance or the weather, Dr. Tessina states.

49. Look for places that connect with your interests

Look at the local tennis courts and see if they have clinics or leagues, find book clubs posted at the local bookstore or join a hiking group, Dr. Bauer explains. When you meet someone here, you already know you have something in common.50. Try a new activity

Is there something always wanted to do? Rollerblading, cooking, baking, woodworking, hiking, flying model airplanes, quilting?  All of these activities have interest groups, and they’re probably nearby.  Do an Internet search for interest groups in your desired activity, and join in the fun. You’ll make friends fast because you hav

You never know where you might meet someone who could turn out to become a friend, Dr. Saltz states. A random meeting on a vacation, rooting at the same game, speaking at a support group, in many ways a friendship can blossom out of almost any chance meeting if one or both of you are open to the idea and take the chance to invite the other to get together.

70. Look for what you can give, not what you can get

As you listen to a prospective friend, think of who or what you might know that could help them in some aspect of their life. For example, if they say they recently lost their job, connect them with the recruiter, website or career counselor who helped you when you were unemployed, Marter explains. Consider what friends, organizations, referrals or services might be a support or resource to them and share generously.

71. Meet in person

Facebook friends are not friends, says Dr. Saltz. Online interactions can supplement your in-person friendship, but to grow the real bonds of friendship, you do need in-person meetings and experiences together. 

72. Agree with what others have to say and add to it

Take a tip from improv and say, “Yes, and...”. One of the rules of improvisational comedy is to respond to others by agreeing with what they have said and adding to it, Marter states. This is because saying, “no, but” tends to be a conversation stopper and can take the conversation down a more antagonistic path. Of course, you shouldn’t agree with something that is against your core values. What I am suggesting is if somebody says it is cold outside, instead of saying, “Well, at least it’s not as cold as last week” (which can feel like a shutdown) try saying, “Yes, it is freezing and I’m worried about the flowers I planted last week.” This leaves the conversation open for more discussion.

73. Value long-time friendships

It’s great to make new friendships, but there is something special and valuable about long-time friendships, you have shared a chunk of your lives together and thereby have certain references and shared experiences that can mean so much, Dr. Saltz explains. So rekindling an older, lost friendship can be a valuable new and old friendship…look them up and reach out and rekindle.

Related: Open up That Group Text! 100 Interesting Questions To Ask Your Friends When You’re Bored

74. Partner up with an extroverted friend

13. Do a favor for someone 

93. Establish and enforce appropriate boundaries

It is common to be a “people pleaser,” as it’s human nature to desire that others like you. If you keep appropriate boundaries, you’ll only allow those into your circle who are willing to respect you, Grace Hanzel, MA, LPC, CDCA, therapist at Vertava Health, explains.

94. Enjoy the moment

Sometimes, there's a lot of pressure to have a friendship turn into a lifelong commitment, Dr. Claney says. To relieve some of that pressure, you can just focus on the mo

 

ss interest (when? where? can anyone come?), they'll probably invite you.

For example, you might donate your time at a local nursing home, hospital, an animal shelter, or non-profit organization.

Do an online search or call charitable organizations in your area to find volunteering opportunities near you.

Image titled Get a Girlfriend Step 11

4

Try to connect with people you already know. Chances are, you already know a few people who could potentially become good friends. Consider trying to get to know your co-workers, classmates, or even people in your social media network.[2]

For example, if you’re a parent, you might reach out to the other parents of your child’s classmates. Setting up a play-date for the kids can be a good opportunity for you to get to know some new adult friends.

Part

2

Making the First Move

Image titled Make Friends Step 5

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Look for opportunities to talk to people. You can join a club, go to school, or go to church, but you still won't make friends if you don't actually talk to people. By the same token, you don't have to be involved with an organization to be social. Any time you talk to someone, you have a chance at making a lasting friend. Don’t worry about saying anything special—just open a conversation by saying something friendly (like “Isn’t it a gorgeous day?” or “That is an awesome shirt!”) and see where it goes from there![3]

You can talk to anybody: the clerk at the video store, the person sitting next to you on public transit, or the person in front of you in the lunch line. Don't be too picky.

Making New Friends as an Adult Isn’t Easy, but Luckily, We Have 102 Expert-Backed Ways To Do Just That

It's never too late to find the crew for you and here's how to do it.

KAITLIN VOGELJUN 26, 2023

Good friends are worth so much. Few things in life are more important than supportive, close friends. Eleanor Roosevelt even once said,

10. Smile

Smiling while keeping eye contact with someone will create a positive effect on the other person, O’Brien explains. Talking with a warm smile and consistent eye contact makes the other person feel comfortable and interested in the conversation.11. Find a group that’s meeting online

If you don't want to join in-person activities due to anxiety, Guarino recommends finding a group that's meeting online. For example, there are online book clubs, business networking clubs and more.12. Don’t set your expectations too high or expect too much from one person

Smile, nod, say “hi” and go there often. As people see you, they’ll get to know you as a regular, and striking up conversations will be easier Dr. Tessina states.

63. Get the person to tell a story

For example, ask them what the most interesting part of their job is, what their favorite spot in their city is, or what their favorite place to visit as a kid was, says Risa Williams, licensed therapist and coach in Los Angeles, and author of The Ultimate Anxiety Toolkit: 25 Tools to Worry Less, Relax More and Boost Your Self Esteem.

“Whenever I meet new people, I find that it's easier to engage them when they're talking about something they like or enjoy, and it gives them a chance to tell an interesting story and share parts of their personality in a way that feels comfortable to them,” Williams explains. “Breaking the ice in an easy or relaxed way, and making the other person feel comfortable to share things in a conversation, is a good way to start to take steps toward forming a possible friendship.

64. Be really honest

Honesty is what builds trust and trust is what builds intimacy between people and this is a strong foundation for a close friendship, says Dr. Gail Saltz, Associate Professor of Psychiatry at the NY Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of medicine and host of the How Can I Help? podcast from iHeartRadio.

Related: 7 Things To Do When You Apologize, Because There’s More to It Than Saying ‘I’m Sorry'

ment and see if this could be a friend for right now!

95. Seek vulnerability and connection

Vulnerability is scary, but humans are genuinely made for connection, Hanzel states. Even the most introverted people need closeness with others! The benefit is worth the risks.96. Don’t take it personally

d therefore being more interested in becoming your friend.

17. Be consistent

Be on time when you make plans with someone, says Guarino. Do not text them twenty minutes before and say you'll be twenty minutes late, or worse, cancel at the last minute. Small things like being on time build trust in any relationship.

18. Be aware of cultural differences

As individuals often move for career and family obligations, it is important to understand the culture of friendships within your community.  If not properly understood, cultural differences can create a barrier to friendships, notes Dr. Miller.

If you have a club, band, church, or other group or activity that you think they might enjoy, take the opportunity to give them your number or email address and invite them to join you.

Part

3

Maintaining Friendships

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Be loyal to your friends. You've probably heard of fair-weather friends. They're the ones who are happy to be around you when things are going well, but are nowhere to be found when you really need them. Being a loyal friend will attract other people to you who value that quality. This is a good way to put your money where your mouth is and attract the kind of friends you want in your life.[9]

Part of being a friend is being prepared to make sacrifices of your time and energy in order to help out your friends. Just be nice.

e something in common with everyone else, says Dr. Tessina.

51. Be open

You never know where you will find your next "person," Dr. Bauer states. So don't close doors without seeing what's on the other side.

52. Connect on a neighborhood chat site, like nextdoor.com

When you find someone doing something you like on the site, comment on it. Join in neighborhood cleanup days.  Bake cookies, take a picture, and say you’ll be in the neighborhood park with the treats at a certain time and day. Invite other neighbors to bring their own coffee or drinks and join you, Dr. Tessina explains.

53. Don’t shy away from difficult discussions

Conflict is an inevitable part of friendships, and can actually lead to a deeper friendship because you've worked through something difficult, says Clark.

When you’re listening, focus on what the other person is saying instead of planning what you want to say next. Avoid interrupting, and try not to offer advice unless your friend asks for it.

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Be trustworthy. One of the best things about having a friend is that you have someone to whom you can talk about anything, even secrets that you hide from the rest of the world. Before people even feel comfortable opening up to you, however, you need to build trust.[13]

The key to being a good confidante is the ability to keep secrets. It's no secret that you shouldn't tell other people things that were told to you in confidence.

Don’t talk about your friend behind their back or let them down when they’re depending on you. You can also build their trust by being honest and accountable.

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Emphasize your good qualities. Project the good, unique qualities about yourself. Show others what makes you stand apart from the crowd. Talk about your interests and hobbies. Share a little bit about your background with new friends. Everyone has interesting stories to tell—don’t be afraid to share yours. If you are a unique person, then show it.[14]

A little humor always keeps conversation light and happy. People love to be around someone who makes them laugh.

Friendships work best when you and your friend feel comfortable just being yourselves. Embrace your best qualities and let them shine when you’re with your friend, but don’t try to be something you’re not just to please or impress them.

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7

Keep in touch with your friends. People often lose contact with their friends because they're either too busy or just don't value their friends enough. When you lose your connection with a friend, the friendship may fizzle out. And when you do try to contact them again, it can be hard to rekindle the friendship.[15]

Even if you don’t have time for a long conversation or get-together, let your friend know you’re still thinking about them by sending a quick text or dropping by to say “Hi.”

Maintaining a friendship is hard work. Make time and share your life with your friend. Be respectful of their decisions and share yours with them. Strive to keep in contact over time.

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8

Choose your friends wisely. As you befriend more people, you may find that some are easier to get along with than others. While you should always give people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes you may realize that certain friendships are unhealthy, such as if a person is obsessively needy or controlling towards you, is constantly critical, or introduces dangers or threats into your life. If this is the case, ease your way out of the friendship as gracefully as possible.[16]

Cherish those friends you make who are a positive influence in your life, and do your best to be a positive influence in theirs.

Leaving a friendship can be difficult, even if it’s unhealthy. If you have to end your friendship, give yourself time to grieve over the loss.

Conversation Starters for New Friends

 Sample Conversation Starters for New Friends

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Question

How do you make friends when you are worried about what they will think of you?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

First, people don’t think about you as much as you think they do. Second, you cannot control what others think of you. Third, what they think of you is their business, not yours. Fourth, even if you know what they think about you, there is nothing you can do about it anyway. Just be you. If people do not think well of you, then you don’t want to be around them anyway. If this is something that preoccupies you so much you can’t make friends, talk to a therapist who can help you work past it.

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Tips

Think about what you say before you say it. Your friends may become hurt or offended when you speak recklessly.

You don't have to be a superstar to be a good friend. Try to be positive and friendly so that people feel good and appreciated when they're around you.

If you aren't the type to naturally smile a lot/give eye contact, don't pressure yourself to put on a fake smile or give eye contact if it makes you uncomfortable - don't force yourself to change/mask your natural behaviour, because we can't all be beaming extroverts. We all express ourselves differently.